Month: February 2015

Categories
Alienation

JUST MOVE ON… WE HAVE!

By sharing you blog you are helping others. Even if we cannot change the past there may be hope for others out there. We are still loving mothers and we are proud, and we have done nothing to be ashamed of so speak out with pride and love xxxxxx

Prevent Parental Alienation

How many of you alienated parents have heard this from your kids, ”just MoveOn I/we have“

Well as the mother of lovely children, who have been taught to hate me, all but one, I can tell you I could no more Move On then I can chop off my own leg.

“Don’t blog about the way you feel”, “don’t blog about our family”, “don’t tell anyone how horrible we are behaving!”

Sorry no can do.

I have nothing to lose I finally lost my children and if they don’t like my blog they don’t have to read it.

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When Your Ex-Partner Denies You Access

If your ex-partner says she’s not going to let you have any contact with your children, it can be one of the most distressing things that can happen to you. There may be a number of reasons behind her decision but somehow they’re irrelevant; you simply want to be able to spend time with your kids. So what can you do to change the situation?

Why It Happens

There are several reasons why your ex might deny you access to your children.

  • It could be a bargaining chip for Divorce or legal proceedings yet to come
  • It might be revenge for the break-up of the relationship
  • In some instances, it’s even been used as a way to conceal a new relationship

Denial of contact, as it’s called legally, doesn’t necessarily happen immediately after your relationship ends. It can occur at any time until the child is of age.

What to Do About It

Your first step should be to send a registered letter to your ex-partner in which you ask her to reinstate contact between you and your children, and stating that if she does not do so, you’ll have to resort to legal action. Don’t forget to take a copy of the letter for your records and keep your proof of sending.

If this produces no action, you have no alternative but to go to court and ask for an Interim Contact Order. In order to obtain a contact order you will need to submit the correct form to the court, find out which form you need Here.

What Does the Interim Contact Order Do?

The interim contact order allows you to have contact with your children until a full court hearing resolves the matter one way or another. If your ex shows no opposition to interim contact, it can be resolved without a court appearance. However, at this stage that’s not likely to be the case.

What Kind of Contact Can you Expect in the Interim?

What you and your solicitor will have to do is remind the court at a “directions hearing” of the length of time before the full hearing will occur. This can often be six months or longer, which can be detrimental to your relationship with your child. In most instances, the court will allow some limited contact between you and your children in the interim, although it’s unlikely to be “staying contact” (allowing the children to stay overnight with you) if the mother objects. She might also demand supervised contact, and the court will generally accede. This all seems heavily weighted towards the mother, even though you might have done nothing wrong. However, it’s a case of the court opting to be cautious.

The Directions Hearing

Prior to the hearing you should inform both the opposing solicitor and the court itself that your side will ask for interim contact and be asking for oral evidence. This will avoid any adjournment. If you’ve had previous contact with your child before you were denied access, especially “staying contact”, you should provide evidence of this to the court, as it will bolster your argument.

The Final Hearing

One of the most important factors preceding the final hearing is the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. He or she will interview you and your former partner, your children, if they’re old enough, as well as carers and teachers etc. Generally, the court will accept the report’s recommendations regarding custody and contact. If you disagree with the report, either in part or completely, you can ask for more information, or for another report by a different officer.

If You’re Still Denied Access

If your former partner denies you contact in defiance of an order laid down by the court, you can take her to court to demand access. However, before taking this step, think carefully, as it will not only make relations between the two of you worse, but could possibly end up with her fined or in jail, which will have an adverse affect on the children. If at all possible, you should Attempt Mediation

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/whenyourexpartnerdeniesyouaccess.html

A word of warning! I requested mediation and was advised against it by my solicitor and the social worker.I have not seen my son for over 23 years since the age of 13! I have had a short time of 8 years with my daughter since the age of 11 – she is now 35!!!!

I am very fortunate to have a loving husband and my family have been very understanding and supportive. Without them I could not have come through it all sane!!!! 

I created this site to share my experience in the hope that it may help others when making decisions on Parental Custody.

Categories
Childrens Act 1989

Childrens Act 1989

In family law, the Court can order a Residence Order of the Family Court under section 8 of The Children Act 1989 following the breakdown of a marriage and determining where the children are to live and with whom. The order can be sole or joint, and if joint, it can be made to a couple regardless whether they are married. If a residence order is granted, this automatically gives him, her, or them parental responsibility for the child(ren) which will continue until the order terminates (usually this will be until the child(ren) reach their sixteenth birthday unless there are exceptional circumstances justifying a longer period).

Who can apply?

The following can make an application for a Residence Order under section 8 of The Children Act 1989 as of right:

  1. the parent or guardian of the child(ren);
  2. a married stepparent of the child(ren) where the child(ren) lived with the stepparent as child(ren) of the family;
  3. anyone with whom the child has lived for at least three years (this period need not have been continuous but must have been recent).
  4. anyone who:
a) where there is already a Residence Order in place has the consent of every one who holds that Order, or
b) who has the consent of the local authority where the chid is in their care, or
c) has the consent of every one who has parental responsibility for the child.

If an applicant cannot apply for the Order as of right, (e.g. they are wider family members such as grandparents etc. who wish to seek orders for their grandchildren), they can make an application to the court seeking leave to issue the application. In deciding whether to grant leave, the court will consider, amongst other things:

  1. the nature of the application,
  2. the applicant’s connection with the child, and
  3. the risk that the proposed application might disrupt the child(ren)’s life to such an extent that they should be harmed by it.

The welfare principle

As a matter of public policy, the courts have always operated under the doctrine of parens patriae to make the best interests of any children their first and paramount concern. From time to time, this doctrine has been included in statutes, the most recent relevant version being section 1 of The Children Act 1989 which requires the court to consider the “welfare checklist”. Before making a section 8 order (i.e. a residence order) the court must consider:

  1. The ascertainable wishes and feelings of each child concerned (considered in light of his or her age and understanding);
  2. His or her physical, emotional and/or educational needs;
  3. The likely effect on him or her of any change in the circumstances;
  4. His or her age, sex, background and any other characteristics which the court considers relevant;
  5. Any harm which he or she has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
  6. How capable each of his parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his or her needs;
  7. The range of powers available to the court under the Children Act 1989 in the proceedings in question.

A child is not automatically a party to the proceedings and will be represented by a Guardian ad litem unless the court considers it necessary. If a Guardian is appointed but the children and the Guardian do not agree on what recommendations to make to the court and the children are of sufficient age and understanding, they will be able to instruct a solicitor directly to represent their views and the Guardian will present an independent view to the court. Whether or not a Guardian is appointed, the court can request a Welfare Report under section 7 of The Children Act 1989, either from the local authority where the child currently resides or from a Children and Family Reporter who is an officer appointed by CAFCASS. The report will usually inform the court of the child’s wishes and feelings, but the officer will recommend what he or she thinks is in the child’s best interests in the circumstances of the case rather than just advocate the child’s wishes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Residence_in_English_family_law

Categories
Alienation

Time to spread some awareness!!

No child should be made to choose between a mother and father.

via Time to spread some awareness!!.

 

I am so pleased that people are finally gaining the courage to come out and share their stories albeit difficult and sometimes embarrassing. The more we share and create awareness the more chance there is a changing the attitudes of the courts and social services. Its such a shame that social services dont read some of these sites and forums to gain a true perspective on what PAS is really about and how to prevent it.

Categories
Alienation

Shutting Down

Shutting Down. An all too familiar story! I am sure many of us have been through the same. I had to see my adult daughter in secret for many years so her Narcissic father would not find out and mentally punish her.

The damage has been done and left some long term effects!!!

Categories
Alienation

we have a new mommy now

One mother shares her despair in hearing her daughter say “we have a new mommy now.”

http://sharedparentingconfessional.com/2015/02/25/a-mothers-heartache/

Categories
Alienation

‘A New Way of Life’ Traumatic Stress Disorder: 20 Symptoms of a Target Parent.

Education is Power. Have compassion for yourself if you are a Target Parent. Support the Target Parent by reading and sharing this list below. It is NORMAL for the Target Parent to show the signs listed below.

Waiting 4 Ethan

Post . Nearly Over. Way of Life – Traumatic Stress Disorder (in the context of parental alienation).

Fear

Traumatic, recurring, fluctuating stress. This will shape a Target Parent in a fundamental way. Let’s bring awareness to the correct interpretation to understand why Target Parents present the way they do.

When outside, uninformed observers see the Target Parent behave in ways as described below, it is a natural response to jump to the conclusion that this must be how the Target Parent parented the ‘lost’ child and it was deserved. Nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing about parental alienation is intuitive and it takes a certain sophistication to understand it.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder falls under Trauma and Stress Related Disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 5th Edition (DSM-5). Under this disorder – although many argue it should be labeled an “injury” or “psychic injury” since it…

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Categories
Alienation

Family Relationships Bill is welcome and long overdue

Family Relationships Bill is welcome and long overdue

Ireland should not allow commercial surrogacy exploit women from developing countries

the Child and Family Relationships Bill, when enacted, will comprehensively reform the law relating to families and remove the many anomalies concerning the legal status of children in different kinds of families. Many of the proposals are uncontroversial, and have been long discussed. These include the automatic right to guardianship of unmarried fathers who have had a relationship with the mother up to and after the birth of the child and enhanced rights for grandparents of access to children where parental relationships have broken down. The Bill also proposes measures to deal with situations where estranged parents obstruct contact between their child and the other parent, providing sanctions other than jailing the obstructing parent for contempt of court. The Bill will also provide for the partner or spouse of a child’s parent, who is playing a practical role in caring for that child, to have guardianship rights.

There has been more debate about the proposal that cohabiting couples and civil partners will be eligible to adopt children. At the moment a single person is eligible to adopt, and this has created an anomaly where he or she may be rearing a child within a relationship, but the partner has no parental rights and, if the parent dies or they separate, will legally be a stranger to the child. All adoption decisions will, of course, continue to be based on the best interests of the child and potential adopters will face the same rigorous procedures as before.

Other controversial proposals include those relating to children born through assisted human reproduction. While all such medical procedures are to be regulated in a separate Bill from the Minister for Health, the Child and Family Relationships Bill seeks to deal with some of the problems arising from such procedures. It proposes that where a child is conceived from donor sperm, with the partner’s consent, the mother’s partner can become the child’s legal parent.

http://www.irishtimes.com/opinion/editorial/family-relationships-bill-is-welcome-and-long-overdue-1.2108523

Categories
Estrangement

parent-child estrangements

parent-child estrangements: Whose life is it, anyway?

Ultimatums to adult children can backfire
When parents and newly adult children disagree about life choices, experts advise parents to shift to a "consulting" role to maintain the relationship, since other choices (like issuing ultimatums) can result in estrangement. (Illustration by Donna Grethen)
When parents and newly adult children disagree about life choices, experts advise parents to shift to a “consulting” role to maintain the relationship, since other choices (like issuing ultimatums) can result in estrangement. (Illustration by Donna Grethen) more >
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By Lois M. Collins – Deseret News – Saturday, February 7, 2015

Life in Dick and Liz Diamond’s home followed a pretty straightforward trajectory until recently.

Their oldest, a daughter, went to college, then got married. The middle child, a son, went to college after completing a Christian mission. They assumed their younger son, Alex, would do the same, wondering only which would come first, college or mission.

It turns out Alex, 19, had his own ideas about the path he’d follow as an adult.

One night while he was still in high school, after mentally rehearsing it often because he really hates conflict, the youngest Diamond told his stunned parents he would not go on a church mission and he isn’t sure about God.

“You try to not be living through your children and you try to let them make their choices, but this was something that sort of blindsided us,” Liz Diamond said.

They are in good company.

It is not uncommon for older children, from teens through fully grown adults, to abandon at least portions of their parents’ planned trajectory. Mothers and fathers snuggle their babies and picture how those babies’ lives will unfold. But contrary to parental wishes, those offspring may grow into people who change faiths or drop God. They may bypass marriage or live with partners who haven’t won parental approval. They may drink, do drugs, drop out of school, have no babies or have them too soon.

Numbers are hard to come by, but based on surveys in Great Britain, Australia and the United States, it’s believed about one-fifth of families have disagreements serious enough to result in estrangement, though not always parent-child.

A survey of 2,082 adults by a Great Britain group called Stand Alone found 8 percent had cut off contact with a family member, while 19 percent said they or another family member had done so. Similar numbers were reported in Australia and it’s believed that might be true in the United States, as well. In each case, an undercount was suspected.

The future of an older child-parent relationship often rests on how parents handle such conflict, experts say. It is, perhaps, the most tricky segment of the entire parent-child journey.

“Typically, older kids care somewhat about what you think, but they care more about what they think,” said Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco psychologist and co-chairman of the Council on Contemporary Families. “If you pose them with an ultimatum that they can’t have a close relationship with you unless they make their lives conform to what your ideals are at the expense of their own ideals, you’re probably not going to have a relationship with them.”

Child-focused life

Mr. Coleman, 60, starts a conversation about parent-child conflict with a brief history lesson.

Families have only been egalitarian for about 50 years, with children moving from “seen but not heard” to “the axis on which the family revolves,” at least in the upper and middle class.

Working-class folks more often emphasize behaviors like respect for elders, while leaving the children to experience childhood, he said. That group is less apt to hover over children, a habit popularly referred to as “hothouse” or “helicopter” parenting.

http://www.connectstatesboro.com/news/article/5668/

Categories
Alienation

Separated fathers cry foul

The demands by SIFF-FRW on behalf of aggrieved fathers are:-

1.    Fathers should be given Child Visitation orders in all matrimonial cases within 15 days of the petition.

2.    Courts must immediately deny maintenance/alimony to any woman who opposes or indirectly attempts to prevent her separated husband from accessing and parenting the children and also to working/highly educated mothers.

3.    Courts must initiate contempt proceedings suo-motu against those mothers who do not respect visitation orders.

4.    Children must not be allowed to be used as pawns in custody disputes.

5.    Children must not be allowed to be used as money earning tools by women in custody disputes.

6.    Under no circumstances the grandparents of the child must be denied access to the children.

7.    Govt. must allocate funds for conducting research on the adverse impacts on fatherless children.

8.    Single mothers should be given mandatory counselling to increase involvement of biological Father in children’s lives

9.    Reforms in the existing child visitation/custody laws – ‘Shared parenting’ must be the default arrangement if case of separation or divorce between spouses.

Fathers’ use of technology like Skype and video conferencing to get in touch with children should not be curtailed by judiciary.

– See more at: http://www.merinews.com/article/separated-fathers-cry-foul-threaten-to-sit-on-hunger-strike-if-demands-not-met/15904520.shtml#sthash.tcvjTqnX.dpuf