Dealing with the long term effects of parental alienation in the older child/adult

Fathers and mothers who are alienated eventually give up the struggle to make contact with the unresponsive, but still loved child. Telephone calls, letters, emails, and even presents given are not responded to. The child or adolescent does not even remember how the absent parent looks. Frequently the child.s name has been changed to that of the new partner, often without the permission of the denigrated, natural father. When the alienating father remarries, or has a new partner, that partner now becomes the mother figure while the natural mother, if referred to at all, is called by her first name. This is similar to the absent natural father whose paternity has been obliterated.Despite this pessimism and the unlikely favourable outcome, I still urge parents to try once again to seek contact by my dictating a letter on their behalf to their now older children or those who are now adults. In that letter I try to stress the sorrow of the alienated parent and how they as father or mother have never stopped loving their children and will continue to do so , even when there is no response from them.Such parents must however, realise to help to melt the heart and mind of an alienated adult is difficult to achieve. Despite this, a letter explaining in non critical ways, how the individual has been alienated and why this has taken place can do no harm. It can in time make the child and the now adult, consider their rejecting behaviour and eventually seek contact, even after many years of having rejected that parent.The now adult may, in time, reflect on what the letter contains and to seek some kind of relationship with the long term absent parent. This is more likely to happen when the individual has become an independent adult and is no longer residing with the alienator and hence no longer being alienated. It is important to make the more independent older child or adult, aware of the alienating scenario which has so turned him/her against the absent loving parent. In providing such information, it is vital not to attack or attribute the blame towards the alienator, even when it is deserved. Such an attack can be detrimental towards achieving one.s objective of finally having some contact and perhaps even a relationship, following a reunion with a still loved son/daughter despite the passage of time.

Author: Linda Turner

Coaching and Therapy Currently studying Psychotherapy , Cognitive psychology, Hypnotherapy. Qualified NLP, EMDR and CBT therapist. REIKI Master. I believe in truth, honesty and integrity! ≧◔◡◔≦

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