Month: February 2017

Millions of children are systematically converted into hostages by the family court system after their parents separate. Years can pass before children can see parents, siblings, and extended family. These lost family bonds create irreparable harm and rob children of their identities. It is one of the largest public health crises in modern times, but it does not receive attention because it is considered a normal part of divorce.

What’s a narcissistic parent? It’s someone who is self-absorbed, authoritarian (watch out for their outbursts), negative, a know-it-all, never culpable or blameworthy for anything, highly critical of others, secretive, cunning and conniving, manipulative, exploitive, stingy with others (but not themselves), ungrateful, a pathological liar (twists the truth with incredible ease), envious and competitive, deaf to other’s opinions, has zero empathy, doesn’t listen, doesn’t seek agreement (not a single ounce of agreeableness), brags and exaggerates, plays favorites (and it’s a rotating favorite list at that), has no boundaries, never asks you any questions, inept at basic manners, lacks a sense of humor (especially at themselves), and excels at making others feel guilty… He or she is one unhappy person who can successfully convince their targets that they are needed, and that without them their targets would be nothing.

Looking at these traits, how many of them apply to your parent or ex? A narcissist will have most of the traits listed.

There’s a simple reason why the more a parent brainwashes his or her own children (or dishes out any other form of abuse), the more narcissistic tendencies they have:

It takes an extremely selfish and sick parent to inflict such harm onto their own child.

This article guides professionals to recognize and gain insight of the inner dynamics and profile of the narcissist and the chronic parental alienator. It covers and exposes the commonalities of both their modus operandi and characteristics. Parental Alienation stems from intolerance, denigration, prejudice, and deep-seated dysfunction. In like manner, narcissistic abuse is caused by malignant self love and unadulterated arrogance. The deception of the Narcissistic Parental Alienator (NPA) is a cruel act. It often has many players on different stages that corrode the soul. The NPA is one who systematically deceives and turns their own children into little abuser proxies. Narcissists lie, manipulate, and speak in mixed messages. They cannot part with their illusions, and if their illusions are gone, they may still exist, but they have ceased to live.

All too often mental health and legal professionals and judges do not listen to the target parent and they are fooled or tolerate NPAs out of faith, trust and a sense of fairness. The NPA’s deceit and defiance must be recognized and seen for what it is. Evaluators, courts, and therapists, at that point, should consider this danger directly and act swiftly. The quote by François de la Rochefoucauld; “The most deceitful persons spend their lives in blaming deceit, so as to use it on some great occasion to promote some great interest,” is strikingly similar to the conception of a divorce or custody dispute among NPAs, within the context of this topic. It is discouragingly common to see how few people are not shocked by deceit and how many are shocked by honesty. Educating, exposure, accountability, and resolve are the threads of the tapestry of this article on what these authors have coined the “Narcissistic Parental Alienator.”

Our two-year investigation – which includes interviews with more than 30 parents and survivors in California, Ohio, North Carolina, New York, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee, Maryland and New Jersey – uncovered stories of children consigned to suffer years of abuse in fear and silence while the parents who sought to protect them were driven to the brink financially and psychologically. These parents have become increasingly stigmatized by a family court system that not only discounts evidence of abuse but accepts dubious theories used to undermine the protective parents’ credibility.

https://books.google.fr/books?id=mNfCCAAAQBAJ&lpg=PA125&ots=kxIpNbxqhM&dq=parental%20alienation%20behind%20closed%20doors&pg=PA125#v=onepage&q=parental%20alienation%20behind%20closed%20doors&f=true

The most dangerous and severe of the alienation types is what is known as the ‘’obsessed alienator.’’ This type of parent will stop at nothing to destroy the relationship between the non-custodial parent, and the child(ren). Obsessed alienators are dubbed this because they are ruthless in their behaviors against their exes and usually try to bankrupt them through incessant court battles. Most likely these types have narcissistic personality disorder, because they are unafraid of the court system, and will do virtually anything to keep the non-custodial parent away from their kids. The children of an obsessed alienator usually end up having great disdain for the alienated parent, because children simply can’t process things as adults do, and are left feeling abandoned by the alienated parent. From what I’ve read, this type is the one that has the greatest capacity to do the most harm to a child, for once the child accepts what the custodial parent is saying about the other parent, it will be a long road to repairing that relationship, if possible at all.

Like other forms of domestic abuse, Parental Alienation generally takes place behind closed doors. Publicly, the parent is keen to appear good and responsible, working hard to promote a good relationship with the other parent.   You may be told:  “I’ve tried and tried to persuade him to come, but he really doesn’t want to see you, and I don’t think it’s right to force him”.  Privately, though, the complete opposite may be true. A vital first step is to recognise that this is going on.

We can speculate as to a few plausible reasons why this might be the case.

1. An alienating parent has commenced the process of alienation covertly, behind closed doors (in a manner not dissimilar to child sexual abuse). By the time family law and other interventions are involved the child is effectively alienated or at least the relationship between parent and child is compromised.