Month: April 2017

The aging narcissist faces desolation in the twilight years. They’ve created a wasteland for themselves. They’ve pushed everyone close to them out of their lives. They’ve used everyone they know; those who have given (and given and given) of themselves to the narcissist realize that their work has no reward. This realization creates isolation for the narcissist. There is nobody that wants to continue to serve the narcissist’s needs with nothing in return. The narcissist is a black hole that will suck you dry. When you’re dry, you’re no longer of use to them, and you are tossed aside like trash. The chosen child of the narcissist has a complex role in the aging narcissist’s life; they’re the last string for the narcissist when his wife has left him and his friends have jumped ship.

An adult can choose to live with or without a narcissist, and it is up to that adult to decide whether or not to weather the storm(s). What about the children, the sons and daughters, living with a narcissistic parent? They have no choice in remaining with the narcissist and are ready victims for his abuse as they have neither the knowledge nor the power to defend themselves. The parent/child relationship is so important with its long term effects and, unfortunately, can be easily manipulated. Narcissistic parents can, willingly or unwillingly, inflict long term wounds on their children through their behaviors. It is the people who are closest to the narcissist who bear the brunt of the disorder and children are especially vulnerable.

Despite assumptions that families are close and intact, the prevalence of family member marginalization, parent–child alienation, and parent–child estrangement is overwhelming. Largely ignored by the research community, these three family distancing processes pose significant disruptions to the entire family system. Although some of associated behaviors lead to turmoil and decreased well-being, distancing can also be a healthy solution to an unhealthy environment. This manuscript traces the history of these three processes; offering conceptualizations, strengths, and critiques of each perspective. Specifically, we discuss the way communication researchers have influenced these processes as well as how they can contribute to this sparse body of research in the future. Finally, we compare the processes and question whether families should be considered nonvoluntary.

The term codependency comes out of the recovery movement with the reliably frequent observation that unhealed families tend to unconsciously subvert the newly-achieved sobriety of addicts. Recovery is not solely a matter of individual healing: Every interaction in a family damaged by the abuse must now change, which is difficult and scary.

Looking at the Other Side of the Parenting-Grandparenting Divide

What I find interesting is the corollary between behaviors of a parent who is alienating their child from their other parent, and behaviors of an abusive, personality disordered parent (likely narcissistic).

It is beneficial for therapists, those in the law profession, and individuals involved with the children of narcissistic clients or partners to be aware of a concept known as parental alienation syndrome, how it is created, and what to do about it.  In a normal attachment relationship, people are not interchangeable because each person is valuable in and of him or herself.  However, this is not true for a narcissist.  Narcissists have very shallow relationships in which people are interchangeable.  One clue for a therapist to take note of when doing family therapy or parent/child conflict therapy is if the child has “interchanged” parents.  If a therapist notices that a child is not connecting with a nurturing parent, but instead is calling him or her by their first name, then something is amiss in the attachment system.  Basically, children do not reject parents.  Under relatively healthy conditions, no matter what a parent does, children do not reject them.  When you find a child

Source: Narcissism and Parental Alienation Syndrome

Divorcing a narcissist doesn’t solve everything. While the day-to-day distance can elevate the stress, anxiety, depression, and frustration of living with a narcissist, it doesn’t stop them from being narcissistic. The next party on the victimization list is often the children. But really, the narcissist is just using the children to attack the ex-spouse (ES). Here’s how: Projection – Ex-Narcissists (EN, this is not to say that the narcissist is no longer an ex, mearly that they are an ex-spouse as well) tells children that it is really the ES who is the narcissist. Any negative narcissistic traits are projected onto the ES, while the positive traits are preserved. For instance, an EN will claim the ES has no empathy and doesn’t understand what the children are feeling. However, the house they have is because of the EN’s achievements, not the joint effort of the prior marriage. It doesn’t matter what the truth is to the narcissist, it only matters how they can twist the truth to look

Source: 7 Ways Narcissists Retaliate Through Children

Dr. Amy J L Baker says this happens when one parent brainwashes a child to think their mom or dad is mean or doesn’t love them.

“That’s one of the worst things about alienation, it’s really corrupting the child’s moral compass and really encouraging these children to be cruel and not think about the impact of their behavior,” said ????

This petition was submitted by Families Need Fathers Both Parents Matter Cymru having collected 2,058 signatures – 752 on paper and 1,306 on-line.