Month: June 2017

Suzie* has no words to describe the emotion she felt when her eldest child, Hudson* sat in the back of her car in November 2016. She’d been  alienated from him and his younger brother, Tim* since February 2013.

“It was like seeing a ghost. I appreciate every moment I have with Hudson. I feel like I have got this amazing second chance.”

Studies on neuroplasticity have become increasingly popular in the last several years. It was once thought that our brain was fixed and unchanging once we enter adulthood. Research throughout the last few decades has determined that in fact, our brain has the ability to change and create new neural pathways as well as produce new neurons, a process labeled as neurogenesis (Doidge, 2015). This finding is significant because if the brain has this ability to change, we have the ability to change our way of thinking and possibly improve mood. Neural pathways in the brain are strengthened with repetition. One way to describe this process is “the neurons that fire together, wire together.” Constant repetition of an experience leads to changes within the brain’s structure and how the neurons process that experience. The more consistent this experience is, the stronger these neurons bond. From a relational perspective, if a child is treated with consistent love, nurturing, and caring by his or

Source: The Roles Neuroplasticity and EMDR Play in Healing from Childhood Trauma

In European countries, there is great concern about rising divorce rates, but divorce may be seen as more acceptable, at least in Sweden (Wadsby and Svedin 1996). Consequently, most U.S. children who experience parental divorce face the challenge of adjusting to new family arrangements and life situations in a society that has negative perceptions and stigmas associated with divorced families. Another way to allay negative feelings related to divorce, then, would be to counsel children regarding the normative process of divorce, to let them know that they are not alone as children of divorce, and to educate them regarding the healthy functioning of many divorced families. Finally, scholars in the United States, United Kingdom, and Australia have suggested that social service personnel and officials of the courts could be trained to be supportive of divorcing parents and their children as a means to strengthen family relationships and reduce feelings of stigma. 

You can make significant strides in overcoming codependency by developing new attitudes, skills, and behavior. But deeper recovery may involve healing trauma that usually began in childhood. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from emotional neglect to experiencing a fire. Childhood events had a greater impact on you then than they would today because you didn’t have coping skills that an adult would have. As a consequence of growing up in a dysfunctional family environment, codependents often suffer further trauma due to relationships with other people who may be abandoning, abusive, addicted or have mental illness. Childhood Trauma Childhood itself may be traumatic when it’s not safe to be spontaneous, vulnerable, and authentic. It’s emotionally damaging if you were ignored, shamed, or punished for expressing your thoughts or feelings or for being immature, imperfect, or having needs and wants. Some people are neglected or emotionally or physically

Source: Trauma and Codependency

What amount of love does it take to say

Source: Empowering vs. Enabling

Real love for somebody is being able to step back and allow them to suffer enough to recognize their need to change. That’s the only way to help make them a whole human being again.

Here are some tips to help you stop being an enabler:

• • Don’t lie for anyone. Don’t be the wife who gets on the phone and says her husband is sick when he’s hungover.

• • Don’t make excuses for others when they don’t fulfill their obligations.

• • Don’t clean up after a substance abuser. They should see the damage they’ve done and the chaos they’ve caused.

• • Be accountable for your bills only. If you’re not responsible for it, don’t pay it.

• • Stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be mean, but you do have to put your foot down.

• • Don’t rescue. A person must suffer the consequences of their actions. Which means don’t pay for lawyers or post bail.
  • Stop trying to fix everybody. You’re not a magician and you’re not God. Work on yourself. Get the support of friends, family members and counselors. Join Al-Anon or some other 12-step program. Do whatever it takes to stop yourself from hurting somebody else with your notion of helping.

Source: Dysfunctional Families: Types And Effects

Abuse and neglect inhibit the development of children’s trust in the world, in others, and in themselves. Later as adults, these people may find it difficult to trust the behaviors and words of others, their own judgements and actions, or their own senses of selfworth. Not surprisingly, they may experience problems in their academic work, their relationships, and in their very identities.

In common with other people, abused and neglected family members often struggle to interpret their families as “normal.” The more they have to accommodate to make the situation seem normal (e.g., “No, I wasn’t beaten, I was just spanked. My father isn’t violent, it’s just his way”), the greater is their likelihood of misinterpreting themselves and developing negative self concepts (e.g., “I had it coming; I’m a rotten kid”).

(2017). Attachment anxiety and avoidance as mediators of the association between childhood maltreatment and adult personality dysfunction. Attachment & Human Development: Vol. 19, No. 1, pp. 58-75. doi: 10.1080/14616734.2016.1253639

Source: Attachment anxiety and avoidance as mediators of the association between childhood maltreatment and adult personality dysfunction