Month: August 2017

The abandonment wound seems to be an under-represented area in mental health. Just like complex trauma is not listed as a diagnosis in the DSM, neither is abandonment mentioned as a cause for some of the mental illness issues experienced by people. I often write about narcissistic abuse. One thing I noticed about narcissistic abuse is that it can cause an abandonment wound in the victim. Oftentimes people think of abuse as involving some sort of physical, verbal, or sexual violation; however, many victims of abuse are not even yelled at. Some victims of abuse are simply neglected and ignored. Not many people in the helping professions address the injury caused by rejection or desertion. Emotional abandonment is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient. In fact, the term ‘recipient’ is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the

Source: Healing the Abandonment Wound

Your children will learn from your example, and the example that is being set will often be one of unhappiness and distrust with each other. Children internalize the behavior of their parents towards one another, and grow up with an unhealthy image of what a relationship is. Without the mutual love and respect that make a partnership grow and flourish, your children won’t have a healthy example from which to model their own behavior.

http://ewao.com/2017/08/28/3-things-that-happen-when-you-stay-together-just-for-the/

There can be conflicts between psychological systems (in our example, between the system of sexual needs, the system of rational planning, and the system of evaluating what is and isn’t appropriate and right). And there can be conflicts within a single system. A simple example of a conflict within a system would be a person ordering at an Italian restaurant who has a desire for spaghetti and a desire for a pizza and who can’t decide. A deeper and more serious problem can arise when a person has strong feelings of warmth, say for a father, and, at the exact same time, strong angry feelings.

In their practices, psychologists and other therapists see example after example of people who are tortured by ambivalence. This often comes out in an inability to decide. People often are torn between different options: They see both sides and weigh arguments for and against each side, and they still can’t decide; finally they find themselves acting one way or the other or, perhaps, they flip a coin or consult a psychic or follow the advice of a friend or teacher. Or an ambivalent person can move in one direction and then hesitate and then move in another direction and then hesitate and so on to the point where he or she is caught in a kind of paralysis.

What is already known on this subject?

• Parental psychological control is related to adolescent externalizing problems.
• Experiencing peer rejection reinforces aggressive and rule-breaking behaviour.
• Single-gene studies show that dopaminergic genes influence externalizing problems directly or in interaction with the environment.

Healthy people are always amazed and astonished that a person with a Personality Disorder can quickly detach from a partner, move on, and exhibit very little in the way of remorse or distress. A Personality Disorder can find another partner following a breakup, often within days. These same individuals can also quickly detach from their family and children. They can become angry with their parents and not contact them for years. A Personality Disorder can abandon their children while blaming the spouse/partner for their lack of support and interest. Their ability to behave in this manner is related to their “Shallow Emotions”.

• Situational Morality A Personality Disorder takes pride in being able to “do what I gotta do” to have their demands/needs met. They have few personal or social boundaries and in the severe cases, do not feel bound by laws of the land and quickly engage in criminal activity if needed. The motto of a Personality Disorder is “the end justifies the means”. Situational morality creates rather extreme behaviors and many Personality Disorders have no hesitation to harm themselves or others to meet their needs. Activities often seen as manipulative are tools of the trade for a Personality Disorder and include lying, dishonesty, conning behavior, intimidation, scheming, and acting. Many Personality Disorders are “social chameleons” and after evaluating a potential victim/partner, alter their presentation to be the most effective. Severe Personality Disorders have no hesitation about self-injury and will cut themselves, overdose, threaten suicide, or otherwise injure themselves with the goal of retaining their partner using guilt and obligation.

Who are these people that damage us emotionally, financially, socially, and even spiritually in relationships? Some are con artists like Victor Lustig (1825) who sold the Eiffel Tower not once, but twice. Some remind us of “Alex Forrest” in the movie “Fatal Attraction” (1987) who screams “I will not be ignored!” In mental health terms, they are Personality Disorders. This article describes the four Personality Disorders that create the most turmoil, damage, and emotional exhaustion in our lives.