Month: November 2019

An article in Success magazine describes A New Earth as a “self-improvement book” that encourages its readers to live their lives in each present moment and to create happiness for themselves without emphasizing material possessions.^[2] Tolle’s intent is to change the way human beings think, and he envisions a world population that is increasingly humble, enlightened and pure.^[2] According to Tolle, the book’s purpose “is not to add new information or beliefs to your mind or to try to convince you of anything, but to bring about a shift in consciousness”.^[3]

In the book, Tolle asserts that everyone can find “the freedom and joy of life” if they live in the present moment.^[4] The book describes human dysfunction, selfishness, anxiety and the inhumanity we inflict on each other, as well as mankind’s failed attempts to find life meaning and purpose through material possessions and unhealthy relationships.^[1] It asserts that thoughts can have a powerful and beneficial “effect on the healing process”,^[4] and puts forth a concept of “evolutionary transformation of human consciousness” which prompts the reader to participate in “honest self-evaluation [that] can lead to positive change.”^[4]

Intuition.

Intuition is an extremely powerful force.

If you think something is wrong, chances are you are right. Experience has made me almost a pro at knowing when I’m being lied to or whether I should be suspicious of someone.

It sucks, but when, deep down, you feel something is not right, you should listen to yourself. You will start to put pieces together.

You are noticing it for a reason. You caught a glimpse of a text message weeks ago? You remember something he or she said to you on your first date that is now resurfacing?

When you start to put the pieces together, your suspicions will, without a doubt, be right.

I am telling you, if you don’t listen to anything else I say, listen to this: Intuition is your best friend.

It is so powerful, you simply cannot ignore it, so don’t. Step back and reevaluate.

Understand that this feeling may never go away then decide what you will do with it. If you choose to ignore it, be prepared for the consequences.

Now, are you ready for the big twist to this story? Sometimes, it is your fault that you got played.

You saw all these signs, and your gut was trying to tell you something was not right.

You chose to ignore it because you didn’t want to totally lose this person who had so much potential in your life.

Of course, knowing that you should walk away doesn’t sound all that fabulous, so you don’t.

And guess what? You got played, and the only one who got hurt from it was you. And really, it is your fault for letting it happen. That’s the cold, hard truth.

You have something he or she wants.

Ever offered to help with something? Isn’t it funny how someone will swoon for you, sweet talk you and make you feel like the only person in his or her world until he or she gets what he or she wanted?

You helped this person in one way or another, so now, the person doesn’t have to try so hard.

He or she will step back and push you away a little bit because he or she doesn’t really need anything from you anymore.

You played your part, so now you have to go. Or maybe, he or she doesn’t really want you to go for good, but you are no longer a top priority. You will know when that happens. Timing is everything.

The type of people we are talking about are only interested in a conversation if it’s about them or something related to them.

They are utterly uninterested in the listener, and even if they ask any questions, it comes across as superficial politeness, especially that they rarely wait for the answer or take time to listen until the end.

If a conversation drifts toward a different topic, they will find a way to interrupt you and redirect the limelight onto themselves again.

A narcissist is someone who is excessively preoccupied with themselves. Synonyms for narcissism: megalomania or egocentrism. They love to talk about themselves, take selfies and be the center of attention.

Dr. Judith Orloff has a quiz to see if you are dealing with a narcissist. So, think about the person and answer these questions:

• Does the person act as if life revolves around them?
• Do I have to compliment this person to get their attention or approval?
• Do they constantly steer the conversation back to themselves?
• Do they downplay your feelings or interests?
• If you disagree, do they become cold or withholding?

If you answered “yes” to one or two questions, you are probably dealing with a narcissist. Read ahead for what to do next:

Experts on pathological narcissism routinely speak of self-absorption as perhaps the most “identifying” trait of this personality disorder. And their descriptions of such an intense self-focus are anything but flattering. The self-absorption of narcissists betrays their grandiosity, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and exploitative relationships. Borderline personalities are also characterized as self-absorbed—so self-absorbed that these individuals frequently can’t discern what’s going on around them, not only interpreting what others say and do but regularly arriving at false conclusions as to how others regard them.

But though all narcissists and borderlines are self-absorbed, not all self-absorbed individuals warrant being appreciated as portraying either personality disorder. And as I indicated earlier, many other personality disturbances can be seen as involving self-absorption (histrionic, paranoid, avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive).

What mental health professionals sometimes fail to sufficiently account for is:

• The pivotal function that self-absorption plays in mood disorders—and in a large variety of other non-personality disorders as well
• How self-absorption is best understood as a key strategy that susceptible people employ to protect themselves from immediate mental and emotional threats.

• Continue reading “Self-Absorption: The Root of All (Psychological) Evil? | Psychology Today”

No one likes a self-absorbed person- at least most people I know don’t. Self-absorbed people do portray certain patterns that are similar to narcissistic people, and getting close to such people can hurt your self-esteem.

However realizing certain elements that define their character can make us more prepared for dealing with them.

Here are 15 signs of self-absorbed people:

1. They are always on the defensive.

2. They don’t see the big picture.

A self-absorbed person thinks the world is just about them. Thus, the world, from their point of view, is a place comprising them and perhaps a few persons around them who they can control. How the world affects other people really doesn’t concern them.

3. They are imposing.

They frequently use words like “should” or “must.” They want to dominate in any relationship because they see relationships as a tool for getting what they want and making themselves the center of attention.

4. They feel insecure sometimes.

They are not complete. They always have a missing gap in their world. And you may be the person they try to use to fill those gaps.

5. They always think they are superior to others.

6. They consider friendships a tool for getting what they want.

Don’t assume that they are overly concerned with the friendship that they have with you. This is why they have so many friends and are not overly concerned with the number of friends they have: they view friends as tools for getting what they want.

7. They are extremely opinionated.

It is always about their opinions. They do not want to consider the opinions of others; due to their self-absorption they are consumed by their own point of view, self-image, desires and preferences.

8. They do not have long lasting relationships.

Since their relationships are built around the idea of quantity and using people as tools to get what they want, they do not have long lasting relationships or quality ones.

9. They do not have a real sense of empathy.

Since their display of sympathy or compassion is usually conditional, it is difficult for them to understand the depth of true empathy or what this concept really means.

There’s a really old joke that’s almost a cliché; “Enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think about my new haircut?” This joke approaches being a cliché because it is the embodiment of someone who is wrapped up in himself or herself.

Don’t be this way. Take an active and genuine interest in other people. You’ll build better relationships, but you’ll also get to learn some pretty interesting things about some cool people. Everybody has a story. Your life will be richer if you take the time to learn other people’s stories.

Cathy and I know a few people who love to talk about themselves, but show very little interest in us. We’re polite; so when we meet them in a social setting, we’ll usually ask a few questions about them and their families. Both of us are genuinely interested in people, so we can keep a conversation going for quite a while just by asking questions whose answers we would like to hear.