Very good section in this video about the narcissist not wanting you to ever be better than them, how they will hold you back in your life and stop you progressing. Not just exes but family too!
Yes you can do something about it, watch and learn.
Month: May 2020
Specific Problems of Children suffering from the Effects of PAS
Now follows a series of symptoms found in children, when they are presented over a period of time, with brain washing or programming against another parent. The effects are both short and long term. It must be stated from the beginning that not all the symptoms about to be mentioned occur in all children who are involved in the parental alienation syndrome scenario. There will also be some difference between the very young child and the older child who have more experience of the PAS process. Not all the symptoms mentioned occur in all children. However some symptoms undoubtedly will occur and effect the child unless some form of treatment is carried out which eliminates the impact of the alienating process:
Anger is a common reaction of many children to the process of alienation. The anger however will be expressed towards the target parent as one sides with one of the parents in the relationship against the other. The fact the children are forced into this kind of situation causes considerable distress and frustration and the response often is to show aggressive behaviour towards the targeted parent in order to accommodate the programmer.
Loss or a lack of impulse control in conduct. Children who suffer from PAS are not merely suffering from aggression but also often turn to delinquent behaviour. There is considerable evidence that fathers and their presence and influence can do much to prevent and alleviate the possibility of delinquency most especially in boys.
Loss of self confidence and self esteem. Losing one of the parents through the programming procedure can produce a lack of self confidence and self esteem. In the case of boys identification with a male figure has been curtailed, especially if the alienated parent is the father.
Clinging and separation anxiety. Children especially very young children who have been programmed to hate or disdain one of the parents will tend to cling to that parent who has carried out the programming. There is considerable anxiety induced by the programming parent against the target parent including threats that such a parent would carry out a great number of different negative actions against the child as well as the programming parent.
Developing fears and phobias. Many children fear being abandoned or rejected now that they have been induced to feel that one of the partners in a relationship usually the father is less than desirable. Sometimes this results in school phobia that is fear of attending school mainly due to fear of leaving the parent who claims to be the sole beneficial partner in the formal relationship. Some children suffer from hyperchondriacal disorders and tend to develop psychological symptoms and physical illnesses. Such children also fear what will happen in the future and most especially there is a fear that the programming parent or only parent who is allegedly the “good parent” may die and leave the child bereft of any support.
Depression and suicidal ideation. Some children who are so unhappy at the tragic break up of the relationship are further faced with animosity between the programming parent and the targeted parent. This leads to ambivalence and uncertainty and sometimes suicidal attempts occur due to the unhappiness which the child feels brought about by the two main adults in his or her life.
Sleep disorders is another symptom which follows the parental alienation situation. Children frequently dream and often find it difficult to sleep due to their worries about the danger of the alienated parent and the guilt they may feel as a result of participating in the process of alienation.
Eating disorders. A variety of eating disorders have been noted in children who are surrounded by parental alienation. This includes anorexia nervosa, obesity and bulimia.
Educational problems. Children who are surrounded by the pressure of having to reject one parent having been less brain washed frequently suffer from school dysfunctions. They may become disruptive as well as aggressive within that system.
Enuresis and Encopresis. A number of very young children due to the pressure and frustrations around them suffer from bed wetting and soiling. This is a response to the psychological disturbance of losing one parent and finding one parent inimical to the rejected parent.
Drug abuse and self destructive behaviour frequently are present in children who have suffered from parental alienation. This tendency is due to a need to escape one’s feelings of the abuse they have suffered through the experience and the desire to escape from it. In the extreme such self destructive behaviour can lead to suicidal tendencies.
Obsessive compulsive behaviour. This psychological reaction is frequently present in PAS children. Such children will seek to find security in their environment by adopting a variety of obsessive compulsive behaviour patterns.
Anxiety and panic attacks are also frequently present in children who have been involved in PAS processes. This may be reflected through psycho-somatic disorders such as nightmares.
Damaged sexual identity problems. As a result of the PAS syndrome children often develop identity problems especially as they may have failed to identify with one member of the originally secure relationship.
Poor peer relationships may follow the PAS situation due to the fact that such children often are either very withdrawn in their behaviour or are aggressive.
Excessive feelings of guilt. This may be due to the knowledge deep down that the ostracised parent who has been vilified has done nothing wrong to deserve the kind of treatment received by the child or children. When this view occurs the child especially when older begins to suffer from guilt feelings.
Children who are exposed to PAS suffer in a variety of general as well as specific ways from this experience. It will often have both temporary and lasting effects on their lives. This is obviously not the intention of the alienator but it is the result of such alienation procedures and programming which causes the child to show a negative attitude and behaviour towards one of the parents. To deal with this problem a variety of therapeutic techniques are required and these will be covered in another article.
If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life.
In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.
Discover the four types of difficult parents:
- The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
- The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
- The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
- The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703
Why you cant move ahead no matter how you try
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CAsxZ2RnD-C/?igshid=fd8z97834n48
Toni Morrison, Nobel Prize winner (1993), has been recognized as one of the most prominent novelists in the USA today. Her novels Song of Solomon and Sula rank enormous and original literary creativity through which she shows what it means to survive as an individual in the black families of America. Hence, this article explores the desperation and vulnerabilities of children who grow up in dysfunctional families and how they experience trauma and pain from their parents’ unconventional actions and behaviors. The article accounts of the irregular experiences that the main characters of these two novels have to confront at hostile homes as they grow up changed, different from other children, and lack the essential educational guidance that prepare them for adulthood. Children are forced to assume unnatural roles within their families and, consequently, become dysfunctional members of society.
http://www.scielo.org.co/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0123-48702009000100010
Patients with antisocial personality disorder may express their disregard for others and for the law by destroying property, harassing others, or stealing. They may deceive, exploit, con, or manipulate people to get what they want (eg, money, power, sex). They may use an alias.
These patients are impulsive, not planning ahead and not considering the consequences for or the safety of self or others. As a result, they may suddenly change jobs, homes, or relationships.They may speed when driving and drive while intoxicated, sometimes leading to accidents.They may consume excessive amounts of alcohol or take illegal drugs that may have harmful effects.
Patients with antisocial personality disorder are socially and financially irresponsible. They may change jobs with no plan for getting another. They may not seek employment when opportunities are available. They may not pay their bills, default on loans, or not pay child support.
These patients are often easily provoked and physically aggressive; they may start fights or abuse their spouse or partner. In sexual relationships, they may be irresponsible and exploit their partner and be unable to remain monogamous.
Remorse for actions is lacking. Patients with antisocial personality disorder may rationalize their actions by blaming those they hurt (eg, they deserved it) or the way life is (eg, unfair). They are determined not to be pushed around and to do what they think is best for themselves at any cost.
These patients lack empathy for others and may be contemptuous of or indifferent to the feelings, rights, and suffering of others.
Patients with antisocial personality disorder tend to have a high opinion of themselves and may be very opinionated, self-assured, or arrogant. They may be charming, voluble, and verbally facile in their efforts to get what they want.
For a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, patients must have
This disregard is shown by the presence of ≥ 3 of the following:
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Disregarding the law, indicated by repeatedly committing acts that are grounds for arrest
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Being deceitful, indicated by lying repeatedly, using aliases, or conning others for personal gain or pleasure
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Acting impulsively or not planning ahead
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Being easily provoked or aggressive, indicated by constantly getting into physical fights or assaulting others
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Recklessly disregarding their safety or the safety of others
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Consistently acting irresponsibly, indicated by quitting a job with no plans for another one or not paying bills
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Not feeling remorse, indicated by indifference to or rationalization of hurting or mistreating others
Also, patients must have evidence that a conduct disorder has been present before age 15 years. Antisocial personality disorder is diagnosed only in people ≥ 18 years.
Differential diagnosis
Antisocial personality disorder should be distinguished from the following:
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Substance use disorder: Determining whether impulsivity and irresponsibility result from substance use disorder or from antisocial personality disorder can be difficult but is possible based on a review of the patient’s history, including early history, to check for periods of sobriety. Sometimes antisocial personality disorder can be diagnosed more easily after a coexisting substance use disorder is treated, but antisocial personality disorders can be diagnosed even when substance use disorder is present.
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Conduct disorder: Conduct disorder has a similar pervasive pattern of violating social norms and laws, but conduct disorder must be present before age 15.
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Narcissistic personality disorder: Patients are similarly exploitative and lacking in empathy, but they tend not to be aggressive and deceitful as occurs in antisocial personality disorder.
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Borderline personality disorder: Patients are similarly manipulative but do so to be nurtured rather than to get what they want (eg, money, power) as occurs in antisocial personality disorder.
Both genetic and environmental factors (eg, abuse during childhood) contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder. A possible mechanism is impulsive aggression, related to abnormal serotonin transporter functioning. Disregard for the pain of others during early childhood has been linked to antisocial behavior during late adolescence.
Antisocial personality disorder is more common among 1st-degree relatives of patients with the disorder than among the general population. Risk of developing this disorder is increased in both adopted and biologic children of parents with the disorder.
If conduct disorder accompanied by attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder develops before age 10 years, risk of developing antisocial personality disorder during adulthood is increased. Risk of conduct disorder evolving into antisocial personality disorder may be increased when parents abuse or neglect the child or are inconsistent in discipline or in parenting style (eg, switching from warm and supportive to cold and critical).
People with antisocial personality disorder commit unlawful, deceitful, exploitative, reckless acts for personal profit or pleasure and without remorse; they may do the following:
For antisocial personality disorder, estimated 12-month prevalence rates in the US (based on older Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders [DSM] criteria) range from about 0.2 to 3.3%. Antisocial personality disorder is more common among men than among women (6:1), and there is a strong heritable component. Prevalence decreases with age, suggesting that patients can learn over time to change their maladaptive behavior and try to build a life.
Comorbidities are common. Most patients also have a substance use disorder (and about half of those with a substance use disorder meet criteria for antisocial personality disorder). Patients with antisocial personality disorder often also have an impulse control disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or borderline personality disorder.
DSM-5 groups the 10 types of personality disorders into 3 clusters (A, B, and C), based on similar characteristics. However, the clinical usefulness of these clusters has not been established.
Cluster A is characterized by appearing odd or eccentric. It includes the following personality disorders with their distinguishing features:
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Paranoid: Mistrust and suspicion
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Schizoid: Disinterest in others
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Schizotypal: Eccentric ideas and behavior
Overview of Cluster A Personality Disorders
Cluster B is characterized by appearing dramatic, emotional, or erratic. It includes the following personality disorders with their distinguishing features:
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Antisocial: Social irresponsibility, disregard for others, deceitfulness, and manipulation of others for personal gain
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Borderline: Intolerance of being alone and emotional dysregulation
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Histrionic: Attention seeking
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Narcissistic: Underlying dysregulated, fragile self-esteem and overt grandiosity
Overview of Cluster B Personality Disorders
Cluster C is characterized by appearing anxious or fearful. It includes the following personality disorders with their distinguishing features:
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Avoidant: Avoidance of interpersonal contact due to rejection sensitivity
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Dependent: Submissiveness and a need to be taken care of
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Obsessive-compulsive: Perfectionism, rigidity, and obstinacy
Overview of Cluster C Personality Disorders
Symptoms and Signs
According to DSM-5, personality disorders are primarily problems with
Self-identity problems may manifest as an unstable self-image (eg, people fluctuate between seeing themselves as kind or cruel) or as inconsistencies in values, goals, and appearance (eg, people are deeply religious while in church but profane and disrespectful elsewhere).
Interpersonal functioning problems typically manifest as failing to develop or sustain close relationships and/or being insensitive to others (eg, unable to empathize).
People with personality disorders often seem inconsistent, confusing, and frustrating to people around them (including clinicians). These people may have difficulty knowing the boundaries between themselves and others. Their self-esteem may be inappropriately high or low. They may have inconsistent, detached, overemotional, abusive, or irresponsible styles of parenting, which can lead to physical and mental problems in their spouse or children.
People with personality disorders may not recognize that they have problems.
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