Month: August 2020

The way is to prepare for risk. The way is to know risk, to identify it, and to respond to it with ruthless, seamless clarity of performance.

It is with brutal honesty that I tell you that these red flags of the damaged woman are a clanging warning of a looming threat of emotional savagery, horrific assaults upon your sanity and self-respect and the deliberate destruction of your manhood and happiness and hope.

You will learn to recognize the red flags of the damaged woman when they flap over the attractive female bent on not just your seduction, but your hidden and terrible destruction.

The damaged woman is an elemental figure of the dark world. She is a predator, who seeks not to heal but to ravage. She seeks not your rescue of her but to prey upon you and consume you the way a hyena consumes a crippled antelope. Cruelly, remorselessly, viciously and without stopping until there is nothing left.

If you are a young man starting out in the world and you are happily splashing in the dating pool, be aware.

You are not in an inflatable safe zone with clean, temperate water. You are in the surf of the dark world, where leviathans lurk in the depths and beasts of strange and terrible purpose await the misstep of the unwary. Pay attention to these red flags of the damaged woman.

If you are a mature man with resources and property and wealth and position, guard yourself.

You are not secure and set and ready to play at leisure in the dating world and select casually from the young women seeking what you have to offer. You are sailing the deeps of the dark world, where the siren song of the blood-lipped mermaid distracts you from the insane shine of murder in her surfacing eyes.

If you are a married man and you have been ignoring the red flags then you may recognize them with growing terror as you read this.

You will have difficult choices to make. You may choose to stay or you may choose to leave. You may be responsible for the damage underneath her insanity or you may be an innocent victim who realizes too late that the pendulum swings closer and closer with each unforgiving arc.

We’ll talk about each situation at the end of this post.

Without further commentary, we will now review these terrible red flags.

The first red flag of the damaged woman is her crazy speed.

In the real world the development of a relationship and trust requires two things. It requires shared experiences and it requires that those shared experiences take place over time. Without that ingredient of time it is not a relationship.

Lust can be instantaneous. Admiration can be instantaneous. Laughter usually is instantaneous and so are charm and first impressions and even the hot, magical thrashing that typifies the first night of mating.

But real relationships take time. That is the rule.

There are no exceptions to that rule in the dark world.

When a woman says “we have something magically inevitable” or that “our love is at first sight” or makes other statements that assume your agreement with the impossible, she is predicating the result on an unstable and damaged aspect of herself.

Love takes time to develop. It exists, and it is a light in the dark world.

It brightens over time and can fill your universe with contentment and joy.  But it doesn’t flip on like a Hollywood searchlight.

Use your head. Maintain your awareness. Rely on the reality of the world, not on what you wish the world was.

If she is moving way too fast – “in a relationship” on Facebook and wanting to introduce you to her children and talking about “our love” and all of this in the first few weeks – you are correct to question the sanity of it.

When it happens way too fast and it feels like a sale you’re not ready for but you notice the saleswoman is already writing herself a check for the new purchase off your checkbook which she suddenly has taken upon herself to hold – you are seeing a red flag.

Flapping in the bloody wind.

Stop.

Step back.

Embrace the reality of the dark world and know that reality does not change. There is always a reason for a rushed sale. And it is never in your interests to complete that sale under the pressure of an external power.

The Dark Triad Man has an internal locus of control, and does not succumb to the pressure of the hard sale.

Especially when it’s a red flag sale at Damaged Woman Discounts.

He invests in specific, actionable sources of personal power.

The second red flag of the damaged woman is her tale of sadism.

https://darktriadman.com/2015/11/23/3-red-flags-of-the-damaged-woman/

While there are two sides to every story, it seems to me that it is becoming increasingly common for one party in a relationship to carry the majority of the blame. It’s like the world is dividing into two camps in anticipation of some great shift, narcissists and those who try to follow the Golden Rule.

This week I had the opportunity to catch up with several longtime friends and discuss their situations. It hit me that in nearly every breakup I’ve seen this year, it is the stable, hard-working, faithful, committed partner that does not abuse drugs or alcohol getting dumped like garbage.

Every one of these people openly admits their quirks and the things they need to work on, but none of those issues are divorce-worthy. Many are normal human shortcomings and residual trauma that can be worked through. I see these people as attractive, intelligent, fun, and successful, but their partners have decided that the grass is greener with more risky people.

Risky is the correct word. I’ve witnessed children being put on back burners to accommodate their parent’s games and used as weapons. I’ve seen how one parent’s hatred of the other conditions the children to become abusive, hate-filled people themselves. It is heartbreaking to see children form bonds and then be forced to break bonds with the people who are cycled through their parents’ lives.

Unfaithful partners are using their unwitting faithful counterparts as child care and their families as a resource to facilitate their liaisons. In one case, a friend’s in-laws had actually been encouraging the other woman’s presence and involvement while their son was still married. Other people find themselves used financially, or being pushed away when things aren’t adding up.

It is not unusual for families to enable a relative’s pathology even when that risks hurting their children. Enabling an unhealthy or dishonest relationship is sanctioning poor parental choices and setting the kids up for their own lifetime of instability. Children are often the last people who matter in the midst of these games.

One person told me how painful it is to watch another woman—the “friend” who decided to “help” her husband and kids at a critical time—end up with her house, her former vehicle, and many of her belongings. Another told me how their spouse demanded the divorce, but tries to control who they see and to keep them on hold in case they want them back in the future. It seems that a significant number of people are practicing this “Plan B” narcissism—if their affairs don’t work out, they want the option of going back.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A GENDER NEUTRAL ISSUE. NO VICTIM DESERVES TO HAVE THEIR EXPERIENCES DOWNPLAYED BECAUSE OF THEIR SEX. WHETHER A MAN OR WOMAN COMMITS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, IT IS WRONG, AND IT NEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH. https://wildninjablog.com/2010/08/29/men-and-domestic-violence/

A father who is giving up after a four-year fight to see his daughters has written the two girls an emotional goodbye email, prompting fathers facing similar situations to say: “Remember, brother, you are not alone.”

The email has been distributed as far as the US, Canada and Saudi Arabia.

The father, who can’t be named in order to protect the identity of his children, divorced his ex-wife in 2004. He told The Star that since then she has not allowed him to see his daughters, aged 8 and 11, except for a weekend visit with the eldest last year.

‘My dearest daughters, today I say goodbye to you’
“My dearest daughters, today I say goodbye to you, as I no longer have the strength to continue the four-year battle with your mother. I am mentally, physically and financially drained. Please always know that I love you, and that this is no decision on my part,” the email reads.

The father said his ex-wife had prejudiced his daughters against him, resulting in “hate faxes” in which the girls said they didn’t want to see him. “I do not know you, I do not go to strangers,” the eight-year-old wrote.

“Yes, you have become strangers to me too, but I have tried so hard to see you girls,” the father said in his email.

He has kept a detailed file of his attempts, and said that if his daughters came looking for him one day, he would show them the file, so that they could make up their own minds about what happened. https://dadsdivorce.com/articles/my-dearest-daughters-today-i-say-goodbye/

Dear fellow rejected parents,

Let me begin by saying that I completely agree with Sheri’s assertion that writing letter to our estranged children does not often end well.

I have written SO MANY LETTERS over the years, it is ridiculous! So much time spent. So much editing, writing, rewriting, considering every word, the tone, the vocabulary, the purpose…..should it be long, short, or in between? Should the hard stuff come at the beginning or at the end? Will they read it? Any of it? None of it? All of it? With whom will they share it? Should it be detailed or vague? Specific or general? Should I pour my heart out? Or should I protect myself? Oh my goodness, the amount of time and energy I’ve spent is obscene.

My counselor tells me that if I write anything I should keep it brief. State the facts, just the facts….be succinct. If I write three words, she says cut it down to two! Ha!

I have sent only a few of these letters. AND EVERY SINGLE TIME, WITHOUT FAIL, MY WORDS HAVE BEEN USED AGAINST ME. Every. Single. Time. EVERY> SINGLE>TIME>!!!!!!!!!

My words have been twisted, misinterpreted, recycled, misunderstood, mocked, insulted, argued, judged, dismissed, laughed at, ridiculed, and disrespected.

What helps me the most is:
-write the letter but do not send it
-write the letter and share it with friends who can comment and offer support
-write the letter and share it with my counselor who can comment and offer support
-keep the letter for reference
-write the letter for its therapeutic value
AND, last but not least,

https://www.rejectedparents.net/forums/topic/writing-sending-letters/