Month: February 2021

Categories
Alienation

How to Make your Narcissist Dependent on You

The TEN DO’S
How to Make your Narcissist Dependent on You
If you INSIST on Staying with Him 

  • Listen attentively to everything the narcissist says and agree with it all. Don’t believe a word of it but let it slide as if everything is just fine, business as usual.
  • Personally offer something absolutely unique to the narcissist which they cannot obtain anywhere else. Also be prepared to line up future sources of primary NS for your narcissist because you will not be IT for very long, if at all. If you take over the procuring function for the narcissist, they become that much more dependent on you which makes it a bit tougher for them to pull their haughty stuff – an inevitability, in any case.
  • Be endlessly patient and go way out of your way to be accommodating, thus keeping the narcissistic supply flowing liberally, and keeping the peace (relatively speaking).
  • Be endlessly giving. This one may not be attractive to you, but it is a take it or leave it proposition.
  • Be absolutely emotionally and financially independent of the narcissist. Take what you need: the excitement and engulfment and refuse to get upset or hurt when the narcissist does or says something dumb, rude, or insensitive. Yelling back works really well but should be reserved for special occasions when you fear your narcissist may be on the verge of leaving you; the silent treatment is better as an ordinary response, but it must be carried out without any emotional content, more with the air of boredom and “I’ll talk to you later, when I am good and ready, and when you are behaving in a more reasonable fashion”.
  • If your narcissist is cerebral and NOT interested in having much sex – then give yourself ample permission to have “hidden” sex with other people. Your cerebral narcissist will not be indifferent to infidelity so discretion and secrecy is of paramount importance.
  • If your narcissist is somatic and you don’t mind, join in on endlessly interesting group sex encounters but make sure that you choose properly for your narcissist. They are heedless and very undiscriminating in respect of sexual partners and that can get very problematic (STDs and blackmail come to mind).
  • If you are a “fixer”, then focus on fixing situations, preferably before they become “situations”. Don’t for one moment delude yourself that you can FIX the narcissist – it simply will not happen. Not because they are being stubborn – they just simply can’t be fixed.
  • If there is any fixing that can be done, it is to help your narcissist become aware of their condition, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, with no negative implications or accusations in the process at all. It is like living with a physically handicapped person and being able to discuss, calmly, unemotionally, what the limitations and benefits of the handicap are and how the two of you can work with these factors, rather than trying to change them.
  • FINALLY, and most important of all: KNOW YOURSELF.
  • https://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html
Categories
Alienation

How to Avoid the Wrath of the Narcissist

To victims of abuse, my advice is unequivocal:

LEAVE NOW. Leave before the effects of abuse – including PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) – become entrenched. Leave before your children begin to pay the price as well.

But, if you insist on staying (always against the best interests of yourself and your nearest and dearest) – here is a survival manual: 

FIVE DON’T DO’S
How to Avoid the Wrath of the Narcissist 

  • Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict him;
  • Never offer him any intimacy;
  • Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on);
  • Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity;
  • Do not make any comment, which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience, skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: “I think you overlooked … made a mistake here … you don’t know … do you know … you were not here yesterday so … you cannot … you should … (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom) … I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalization processes were screwed up and they did not differentiate properly) …” You get the gist of it.
  • https://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

Categories
Alienation

The Narcissistic Abuse Study Group

The Narcissistic Abuse Study Group

If you had a Narcissistic Parent
If you were married to a Narcissist
If you are afraid that your children will turn out the same
If you want to understand the arbitrary
If you want to cope with this pernicious condition
If you are a Narcissist – or suspect that you are

Listowner: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist, 

And Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths

Categories
Alienation

The Aging Narcissist

The narcissist ages without mercy and without grace. His withered body and his overwrought mind betray him all at once. He stares with incredulity and rage at cruel mirrors. He refuses to accept his growing fallibility. He rebels against his decrepitude and mediocrity. Accustomed to being awe-inspiring and the recipient of adulation – the narcissist cannot countenance his social isolation and the pathetic figure that he cuts.

The narcissist suffers from mental progeria. Subject to childhood abuse, he ages prematurely and finds himself in a time warp, constantly in the throes of a midlife crisis. On the other hand, he is a puer aeternus, an eternal child: 
immature, sulking and pouting, unable to delay gratification, unwilling to commit or to assume adult roles and chores.

The Aging Narcissisthttps://www.amazon.com/Aging-Narcissist-Three-Perspectives-ebook/dp/B007YUUQVM

Categories
Alienation

The Human Leech

“The Human Leech is whiny”. It thrives on pity and sympathy. The Leech will do anything to gain the sympathy of those in its surroundings, and hurt those that are not, even if it has to make itself look sad and pathetic. The leech is persistent they will wear you down It’s just the way they are unfortunately for this lifetime and probably Meany more depending on what mind set they are at now!

” GET RID OF THEM!!! You can’t help people that don’t want to be helped”

Human leeches are those people who continually want more from us no matter how much we give them. Yet they refuse to reciprocate our efforts in any appropriate or meaningful ways.

https://joannewellington.com/2020/07/16/human-leech-problem-is-the-process-becoming-one-sided/
Categories
Alienation

The Narcissist as Human Parasite

Understanding narcissism through the lens of parasitism explains their need to “feed” on others as a means of supply. The individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) suffers from a destabilized identity and sense of inferiority based in the formative years of childhood. He attempts to adapt by projecting a “superior” persona. But he is always seeking the validation he did not receive at crucial developmental stages as a young and relatively unformed person. His incomplete sense of being compels him to seek self-worth elsewhere, either by aligning himself with high-status people and/or by devaluing and dissociating from those who either threaten his false persona or who somehow “lower” his status.

Like most parasites, narcissists rarely kill their hosts (although malignant ones may subject them to extreme violence). But like the mind-altering variety of parasite, the narcissist works to control the “brains” of her suppliers through a wide range of manipulations, from bullying to projecting, denying to gaslighting, guilt-tripping to silent-treatment. The narcissist continuously orchestrates the “reality” around her by enlisting others in supporting her delusions of grandeur and punishing and/or rejecting them if they do not comply. To the narcissist, her spouse questioning an opinion she has declared as patented truth or her child not making the soccer team are potential humiliations to which she may react with scorn or rage. In the parasitic narcissist’s eyes, both situations weaken the desirability of her “hosts,” or sources of supply, and thereby threaten her sense of well-being.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-narcissist-as-human-parasite-are-you-a-host_b_58d5e8dae4b0f633072b37e1

Categories
Alienation

Parasitic Parents

There are many family dynamics and each family is unique. There are no perfect families and no way to make any family perfect. However, though all families will have some problems, there are some that harbor toxic, nigh-unshakable parasites — the ones with the most power in the family: the parents.

The first thing to note about all of these conditions is the parents’ inability to care about their child past their own wishes. In all of these scenarios, the parents wish to be taken care of or be paid attention to. If the parent(s), someone who should be giving unconditional love, is unable to or unwilling to give this care or love, then not only do the children suffer but the spouse may also be affected, if they are not also a parasitic parent. Let’s look at a couple of conditions that may cause this undesirable toxic relationship not only between parent and child but also between spouses. Today, I will be breaching the sacred pedestal of parenthood, and especially, the immunity of mothers.

As a side note, I want to say that I have experience with my mother in regards to having a narcissistic parent. In her case, she was a covert narcissist and although I always knew there was something not quite right about the things she was doing and saying, I didn’t have a name for it until a few years ago. I am glad that I am still young and that I was luckily out of her influence during some of my critical periods as a child (I lived with my grandparents as a young child before coming back to America to start kindergarten).

par·a·site

/ˈperəˌsīt/noun

Categories
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Narcissists depend on others for their self-esteem.

When the supplies of approval and support dry up or the unwitting supplier has the temerity to ask for their own needs to be met, they are blustered, demeaned or bullied out of their requests, coming to doubt their own needs, thoughts and beliefs.

For the children of narcissistic parents, this is very destructive. They grow up in an atmosphere of power and control — and manipulation. They have been left with the damaging legacy of parental self-absorption.

For these silent victims, parental narcissism created a void where the growing child’s connection to self should be. Emotionally neglected and abused, they were forced to deny their own needs in order to be loved. As adults they find themselves playing out the scripts their parents gave them, without even understanding why.

View at Medium.com
https://medium.com/invisible-illness/trauma-bonds-how-a-narcissistic-mother-primes-you-for-abuse-8987b4984361
View at Medium.com

Categories
Attachment

ROLES IN THE ATTACHMENT-BASED PARENTAL ALIENATION DYNAMIC

In this role-reversal dynamic, the following roles are identified:
  • Pathogenic parent: The parent who psychologically manipulates the child to devalue and discard the targeted parent.
  • Targeted child: The child within a family system who has been singled out for the attention of the pathogenic parent.
  • Targeted parent: The normal-range and affectionately available parent; the “victim” in the story. This is the parent who is scapegoated.

This type of parental alienation incorporates elements of Murray Bowen’s family systems theory, which is based on the dynamics between people in systems.

Bowen believed the family unit was the basic starting point for explaining human behavior.

Bowen believed the family unit was the basic starting point for explaining human behavior. His premise was that “individual behavior seemed determined less by individual choice and more by the individual’s relationship context.” He believed each family member derives their identity from their involvement within the family’s relationship system.

Using Family Systems Theory to Explain Parental Alienation
Using Family Systems Theory to Explain Parental Alienation
Categories
Attachment

Attachment-based parental alienation

Attachment-based parental alienation is a complex and potentially harmful dynamic whereby a parent manipulates their children to avoid, reject, and disdain their other parent. It can be viewed as a symptom of the narcissistic paradigm and is often of clinical concern regarding the child’s healthy development.

PARENTAL ALIENATION CHARACTERIZED

Parental alienation may involve the following symptoms and manifestations:

  • The suppression of the normal-range functioning of the child’s attachment system.
  • A role-reversal relationship in which the child is being used to meet the emotional and psychological needs of a parent (the allied and favored parent).
  • Symptoms of narcissistic and/or borderline personality may also be present in the child and can also of extreme clinical concern for their healthy development.
  • Symptoms in the child can only be the product of “pathogenic parenting” practices and cannot emerge spontaneously or for unrelated mental health reasons.
  • https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/using-family-systems-theory-to-explain-parental-alienation