How do I know if my expert is a good ‘un?

There are probably 5 ways to ‘check out’ a proposed expert (apart from carefully scrutinising their CV) :

  • check their name is on the applicable register, and check disciplinary findings and forthcoming hearings
  • check the press (google their name) – but make sure your source is reliable
  • check BAILII (and other sources of judgments – though not all judgments are published on BAILII) to see if they have been praised or criticised etc.
  • if they have a website, scrutinise their website
  • If there is anything you are not sure about or would like more information about you can ask them (via your solicitor if you have one).


A variety of support is available for male survivors across the UK 

The Male Survivors Partnership began as an idea in 2012 when a handful of professionals working in survivor based organisations began talking about working together for the good of male survivors.

In 2013, following the announcement of a fund that prevented organisations working specifically with males from applying, those very same professionals came together with others to lobby the government to recognise the needs of boys and men as victims/survivors of sexual offences.

The effort these individuals made resulted in many discussions with senior government officials and in 2014, the Ministry of Justice announcing the first-ever fund specifically for working with male victims/survivors – The Male Rape Support Fund, and a national awareness-raising campaign that included a specially commissioned short film made with Hollyoaks highlighting male sexual violence.


What happens to a narcissist in the long run?

Chickens all come home to roost. The people they took for granted simply ain’t there any longer and these were the ones who had the narcissists back. The same friends, partners or colleagues who continually went out of their way for their narcissistic acquaintance only to be used, shafted or ditched when a better offer came along.

Narcissists don’t do loyalty well at all which of course is at odds with the complete rubbish they speak. Fine, well & good from their perspective when they can get away with it as always another gullible soul ready to fill their shoes but age has that nasty habit of creeping up on us faster than we realise. You cant keep duping people forever expecting there to be little to no consequence to your actions.

The great friends who stood by them moved on a while back. Friends who were replaced very rarely return. Why should they? Its payback time.

Those ex colleagues working for rival firms or who gained promotion will have done their utmost to ensure the the word gets out there. Narcissists make great employees to start but a few years in companies cant wait to get shot of.

Most importantly the great partners who stood by through thick and thin moved on a while back and likely much happier and contented now there’s someone normal in their life as opposed to an aging prima donna.

In the end no one from their past wants anything to do with them. If their lucky there may still be a sibling that takes pity but that’s not to say contact wont be anything other than arms length.

Narcissists need attention, preferably adulation but the greatest fear of all is being alone. Irony being that past behaviours ensure that this is exactly what happens to them and quicker than most.

Suggest read chapter ‘The Aging narcissist’ in book entitled:

‘Prepare to be tortured. The price you will pay for dating a narcissist’.


Can a narcissist mother raise children to be well adjusted adults?

No. The children will have to basically raise themselves and pretty much learn about life the hard way. It is a harsh, cruel life until the child gets old enough to find some way of escape (and those ways of escape are seldom ideal, believe me) and at some point learns what the real problem was in his or her family of origin.

It would certainly help if there were an actual responsible adult with enough backbone to stand up to the narcissist and remove the kids, but that seldom happens. Usually no one’s there to rescue the young ones – without some kind of bargain being made anyway.

That brings us to the double digit age, and if the child is a girl…you know


An all too familiar story

A father yesterday spoke of his anguish over an extraordinary £100,000 12-year court battle for the right to see his daughter.

The man, described as ‘irreproachable’ by a senior judge, has endured years of legal fighting with his ex-partner, who has refused to allow  contact between him and their 14-year-old daughter.

Incredibly, the family courts have made 82 orders that he be allowed to see the girl, known only as M. But none was enforced by a system which senior judges agreed had ‘failed the whole family’.

My relationship with my daughter is slipping away,’ the man said. ‘Her childhood is disappearing.’

The Court of Appeal three months ago ordered that the case be resolved, saying the teenager’s childhood had been ‘irredeemably marred’ by years of litigation.

Lord Justice McFarlane, presenting a written judgment, said the mother had ‘doggedly refused to allow M to develop and maintain a relationship with her father without any good reason’.

He quoted the findings of a child psychiatrist, who said: ‘The mother appears to want an unhealthy exclusive relationship with M. The mother hides her opposition to contact behind her daughter’s stated “wishes and feelings”.’

But the father, a 61-year-old professional who cannot be named, has now been told the legal process faces more months of delays as the family courts seek expert advice.

True stories


Accountability is everything


What does a Child Custody Investigator help with?

Ulises: It depends on what the client is looking for.The role we play on day to day investigation is critical in the preparation for an upcoming court battle, or for “checkups” to ensure the parent responsible for a child is keeping up with the conditions of their custody. We help our clients find a series of things. The ones we are most concerned about are:

  • Help protect against parental alienation: When a parent is alienated by the other parent – and their family – to try and gain custody of the child.
  • Brain washing attempts: When the parent or family tries to convince the child that the other parent is unfit to take care of them, they love them less, etc.
  • Identify or gain evidence of child abuse or neglect. Not only by their parents, but by their parent’s associates.

We also help parents try to gather evidence or information to show the court whether or not the parent is in compliance with a court agreement. Whether that court agreement has been in place from the past, or is currently in the process of being setup.

A typical child custody investigation goes beyond looking into a parent. The investigation usually looks into the environment the child is going to be raised in, and the type of associates that will be around the child.

The purpose of this investigation is to determine whether or not the child will be cared for. At the end of the day, it’s not about what parent is best, it’s about what parent is best for the child.


Do I need a Child Custody Investigation Undertaken? 

Separating from a spouse or partner is stressful and difficult, but it doesn’t always result in the need for an investigation. One will be needed, however, if:

• You have concerns about the care your child is receiving from your partner. During a separation accusations are often made against a background of considerable tension. A private investigator can look into the care your child is receiving and provide unbiased evidence of concerns that will stand up in court.
• You want to put your mind at ease. If you have doubts about your partner’s ability to appropriately care for your child, an investigator can examine their lifestyle, parenting and ability to provide appropriate care for the child.
• False accusations of neglect or abuse have been made against you. This is sometimes done to limit the amount of time someone spends with your child. A private investigator’s work can help disprove false allegations and ensure you are able to enjoy spending the appropriate amount of time with your child.
• It has been ordered by a court.


Are They Safe?

How is an investigation undertaken?

With the welfare of the child firmly at the heart of their work, our investigators will gather evidence about the care given to a child through direct observations. Particular attention is paid to a parent’s ability to provide not just the basics of food, clothing and shelter, but age-appropriate stimulation, nurturing and protection. Evidence is gathered using video, photographic and audio, as well as written methods, and any concerns regarding a child’s safety or welfare are finely detailed. Family members, relatives and friends are interviewed, and background checks made. Child protection is vital in any investigation in matters of child custody, and our investigators are trained to look for signs of drug or alcohol abuse, criminal activity, problematic behaviours such as gambling, driving in a reckless manner, and other issues that could place a child’s welfare at risk. The home environment is assessed for suitability and appropriateness.


What Kind of Person Grooms?

While anyone can be capable of engaging in grooming behaviors, it’s not uncommon for groomers to suffer with a personality disorder. Having a personality disorder certainly doesn’t justify someone to groom others, though it can provide some context as to why they do what they do.

For example, a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is using others for personal gain, without consideration of the other person’s experience of being used. Of course, it’s not true that every person with NPD is a groomer, but they are more capable of grooming than the average person due to their compulsion to use others.

Aside from certain personality disorders, other personality types that are susceptible to groom others are often those with a pattern of exposing partners to domestic violence, sexual abusers, and other forms of predators. Groomers are often hard to identify because they usually are able to significantly charm their victims, create what feels like a sincere emotional connection, and facilitate this false sense that the groomer is all their partner needs.