Received the invitation on the 11th September a very significant day for me. I have been pondering for a while as it was my narc daughters birthday 7th September and I made the first contact in over a year to wish her happy birthday.
Ten days later after some communication via What’s App, should have listened to the advice of my therapist, friends and family – GO NO CONTACT – they love me and are protecting me and don’t want me to get hurt yet again!
These are the requirements to take part:-
1/ Please tell us, in short, about the NA relationship you survived. The nature of the relationship, period of time, describe the dynamics of this relationship.
2/ How did the relationship end (if it did) and/or in what terms are you with the abuser right now.
3/ What followed the relationship? What did you do to heal, how did you manage the grieving? How are you feeling about it right now?
So what would you do? I know what I am going to do.
The disinformation being peddled by deranged, virtue signalling grifters is annoying to me personally but dangerous to the mass of people who don’t have the ability or understanding to reject it for the trash it is.
Therapy is NOT about reassurance and pandering to a sick world view. A therapist who does that is acting unprofessionally.
Reassurance may come in the therapeutic session but it will be for the intrinsic value of the client as a human being not for the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that brought them to therapy in the first place.
Therapy is predominantly about being you back to TRUTH through REASON.
The culture around therapy, usually developed by people who don’t themselves go, is that it’s about permission and stroking.
The virtue signalling soft touch hashtag brigade are cynically appealing to the weakest parts of human nature by aggrandising the egos of their followers.
If you really are sick (that’s what being mentally unhealthy is) then your ego and it’s functions are “sick”.
Is aggrandising a sick ego kind and compassionate? Isn’t it rather like deliberately fortifying a tumour?
Your toxic family members want to be listened to, but don’t want to listen. The love on a measuring stick of negative judgment but demand you to love them unconditionally. They are painfully selfish but expect you to continue to give. Toxic people expect you to be of your word, while they never follow through.
This type of hypocrisy is sickening. Relationships like this are designed to make only one person happy. Yet, you will find that there is no effective way to meet their needs because even when you do exactly as they ask, they focus on something you could have or should have done better.
No matter how hard you try, you are left feeling totally irritated and disgusted by how impossible they are to deal with. What they don’t realize, in their immature mindset, is that you will reach a point of no longer having any motivation to make them happy. You won’t want to. They exhaust you, then call themselves the victim. Let them be the victim.
No Contact keeps those buttons covered. That is why it works.
Psychopaths know that in the past, if they pressed “button A,” you would do B. So they will keep on trying because IT ALWAYS WORKED IN THE PAST. They just know if they keep doing it, it will EVENTUALLY work again. So they will press it harder and faster and longer. Just like some old lady sitting at a slot machine, plugging in quarters, she just “knows” that the very next quarter will get her a reward. Just like my donkeys running up to the fence when I open the freezer, they still hope to get a slice of bread, a reward.
Expect when you go No Contact that the psychopath will up the ante and will work harder and longer to get a reaction. If it takes 30 times for them to eventually get a reaction, THEY LEARN THAT it takes 30 TIMES TO GET A REACTION. If next time it takes 40 times, they learn that they must work a bit harder to get a reaction, so they keep on and on and never stop.
So hang in there. Once you make up your mind to go NO CONTACT, then STAY no contact, because if you give them ANY reward of ANY kind, even a well deserved “cussing,” it is still a reward. It is ATTENTION, and even negative attention is attention. Not being noticed at all is the worst punishment they can have.
Whenever any discussion of criminal or deviant behavior takes place, the age-old debate between nature versus nurture tends to come up. The question thus arises: are psychopaths bad because of their social environment or are they born that way? The simple answer to this question is: they’re born that way and they can be made worse by a bad environment. Unfortunately, they can’t be made significantly better by anything at all.
Psychological and sociological research shows that, in fact, psychopaths are much less influenced by their environment than non-psychopaths. This conforms with the general finding that psychopaths have rock solid egos, which are more or less immune to negative input. As we’ve seen, although they enjoy affirmation and praise, as all narcissists do, they don’t care when they’re criticized or punished. While a corrupt environment and abuse is unlikely to cause psychopathy, it can lead a psychopath to express his constitutive emotional callousness through violence. (Without Conscience, 175)
In other words, psychopathy constitutes a physiological deficiency that causes shallowness of emotions and all the negative implications which stem from it that we’ve explored so far. This deficiency is genetically inherited only half of the time. The other half of the time it may be caused by accidents, brain damage, drugs or other, unknown causes.
The saddest implication of the scientific research on psychopathy is the fact that there’s no cure for it. No medication or treatment has yet been discovered that can give a psychopath the neurological capacity to process emotion properly. Consequently, nothing can turn him into a functioning, caring human being. He will always remain an absolutely narcissistic and malicious human being.
He does so by testing out different strategies and seeing which ones get the desired reaction. Often, he alternates between nice and complicit interactions (or overtures) and insults, which correspond to the idealized or devalued mirror effects I went over in my previous post, The Psychopath’s Mirroring Effects. One message (or spam) he may praise you, the next one he’ll put you down. This is partly because a psychopath’s moods and attitudes arbitrarily oscillate between idealizations and devaluations of the same person. I call these fluctuations “arbitrary” because sometimes they may be motivated by your actions, sometimes not. For instance, a psychopath may idealize you when you comply with his wishes and regard him as an ideal partner (before you open your eyes, that is, and see him for what he is).
A narcissist often dominates others because he wants validation from them. A psychopath, however, carries this personality disorder to an extreme: he dominates others, and puts them down, in order to destroy them. For a psychopath, the ultimate ego trip is shattering the lives of others, not simply proving himself superior to them. He cannot derive pleasure from recognition by others unless it also causes them harm or humiliates them. This is why psychologists state that psychopaths suffer from the most dangerous, predatory and malignant form of narcissism that exists.
Today I’d like to go over how and why a psychopath pushes your buttons, to provoke some type of reaction from you long after your relationship is over. The why is easy: a psychopath regards his partners as his personal property, to use and dispose of as he pleases. Since eventually he gets bored with all relationships, he periodically revisits some of the previous ones, to harass former parters or to sink his claws into them once again.
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