Why does a coercive controller do it?

I began re writing my account of my life with Peter following an article I read by Linda Gottlieb. The article can be found on her End Parental Alienation website:  The Sacrifice of the Alienated Parent.  I took on board her opening paragraph in the sense that leaving this after my death may be the only avenue left open to me (I may be in my 60s, but I sincerely hope I last a while yet – I have to, my dog is only four and I quite like being around!)

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“Anyway, after reading her article, I tried hard to write from a point of understanding rather than bitterness. I don’t know if I succeeded. It’s a harrowing tale for me anyway. But the truth is, I have tried hard to UNDERSTAND and I do have sympathy. My daughter hurt me deeply but I cannot bring myself to blame her.

After I left I read a book by Lundy Bancroft: ‘Why does he do that, inside the minds of angry and controlling men’ and my light bulb finally went on. [NC notes: Women as well as men can be needy, angry and controlling.]  How I wish Lundy Bancroft could have had my husband in front of him!  Then I found an article which made so much sense to me. It’s called: You’re not your daughter’s handsome prince by Hugo Schwyzer (2011).

I really wish I was a psychologist (my training in education really didn’t equip me beyond childhood) because I would give anything to have got inside my husband’s head. As it was, he pushed all my buttons, I reacted, defended myself, argued with him, and it was enough to prove to my daughter that I was what her father made me out to be. As he told me: “She grew up and saw you for what you are

via Why does a coercive controller do it? A very secure Attachment

Author: Linda Turner

Coaching and Therapy Currently studying Psychotherapy , Cognitive psychology, Hypnotherapy. Qualified NLP, EMDR and CBT therapist. REIKI Master. I believe in truth, honesty and integrity! ≧◔◡◔≦

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