Q & A -I am in love with my abuser- is this Stockholm Syndrome?

Yes, Stockholm Syndrome can develop in relationships with abusive partners. Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological response that occurs when hostages or abuse victims develop feelings of empathy, trust, and even affection for their captors or abusers. It is a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon that can occur in a variety of contexts, including cases of domestic abuse.

In cases of domestic abuse, victims may experience Stockholm Syndrome as a result of prolonged exposure to their abusers and the belief that they are unable to escape their situation. Victims may begin to identify with their abusers and believe that their abusive behavior is justified or even deserved. They may also develop a sense of dependence on their abusers and feel that they cannot survive without them.

It is important to note, however, that not all victims of domestic abuse develop Stockholm Syndrome, and not all individuals who develop Stockholm Syndrome are victims of abuse. The development of Stockholm Syndrome is a complex process that can be influenced by a variety of factors, including the victim’s personality, the abuser’s behavior, and the specific circumstances of the situation.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, it is important to seek help and support from a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Domestic abuse can have serious and long-lasting effects on both the victim and their family, and it is important to take steps to ensure that everyone involved is safe and protected.

Q & A – what is the best treatment for emotional abuse?

The best treatment for emotional abuse will depend on the individual and their specific situation. However, some common treatments and strategies that may be effective for emotional abuse include:

  1. Therapy: A mental health professional, such as a psychologist, counselor, or therapist, can work with the person who has experienced emotional abuse to identify the effects of the abuse and develop strategies for coping with those effects. Therapy can also help the person develop healthier relationships in the future.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group for survivors of emotional abuse can be helpful for those who feel isolated or misunderstood. Support groups can provide validation, encouragement, and a sense of community.
  3. Safety planning: If the emotional abuse is ongoing or has the potential to escalate to physical violence, it may be important to develop a safety plan. This may involve seeking help from a domestic violence shelter or hotline, informing trusted friends or family members, or taking other steps to protect oneself.
  4. Education: Learning about the dynamics of emotional abuse can be helpful in understanding and recognizing it. Educational resources may include books, articles, videos, or online courses.
  5. Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to address symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns that may result from emotional abuse.

It’s important to note that emotional abuse can have long-lasting effects, and it may take time and a combination of different treatments and strategies to heal. It’s always best to consult with a qualified mental health professional to determine the most appropriate treatment approach for your specific situation.

Stockholm syndrome and parental alienation

Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which a person develops a strong emotional bond with their captor, even though the captor may have caused them harm. Parental alienation is a form of psychological abuse in which one parent attempts to undermine the relationship between the other parent and their child. The parent may do this by speaking negatively about the other parent, limiting contact between the child and the other parent, or manipulating the child into believing that the other parent does not care about them.

Stockholm Syndrome can have a significant impact on an alienated child. It can cause the child to develop a strong emotional bond with the alienator, even if the alienator is abusive or neglectful. This bond can lead to feelings of loyalty and protectiveness towards the alienator, and can make it difficult for the child to break away from the relationship. It can also lead to feelings of guilt and shame, as the child may feel responsible for the alienation.

Examples of Stockholm Syndrome

1. Patty Hearst, the granddaughter of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst, was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army in 1974. After being held captive for several months, she began to sympathize with her captors and even joined them in committing crimes.

2. Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped at the age of 11 and held captive for 18 years. During her captivity, she developed a close bond with her captor and even defended him in court.

Articles and Videos by Richard Grannon

Articles by Sam Vaknin

About Sam Vaknin, Author of Narcissism Book

I am not a mental health professional, though I was certified in Counseling Techniques. I work as a financial consultant to leading businesses and to governments in several countries.”

Stockholm Syndrome, Child Abuse And PTSD

It’s crazy, my Mother and her friends abused me for fourteen years yet I still yearn for her love and defend her to my Therapist and family. I won’t hear a bad word said against her despite everything she did. It defies logic. I know it does but I cannot help it. Why?

Some of the most surprised and shocked individuals are those who have been involved in controlling and abusive relationships and then when the relationship ends, they offer comments such as “I know what he’s done to me, but I still love him”, “I don’t know why, but I want him back”, or “I know it sounds crazy, but I miss her”. I’ve once heard “This doesn’t make sense. He’s got a new girlfriend and he’s abusing her too…but I’m jealous!” Friends and relatives are even more amazed and shocked when they hear these comments or witness their loved one returning to an abusive relationship. While the situation doesn’t make sense from a social standpoint, does it make sense from a psychological viewpoint? The answer is — Yes! Continue reading “Stockholm Syndrome, Child Abuse And PTSD”

The comparison of parental alienation to the “Stockholm syndrome”

Ludwig.F. Lowenstein Ph.D

Southern England Psychological Services

2006

What follows is in great part fact and what is not fact is based on supposition and psychological assessment of how the Stockholm Syndrome develops and how it has worked in the case of Natascha Kampusch recently reported in the press. She was abducted and kept in a prison in an underground cell without natural light and air being pumped into her enclosure. The Stockholm Syndrome was coined in 1973 by Nils Bejerot, a psychiatrist, while working for the police. It occurred that there was a bank robbery and four bank clerks were taken hostage by an armed robber who threatened to kill them. To the surprise of the police, the hostages stated that they had no wish to be rescued indicating that they felt sympathy for their captor.

It was assumed that the feeling of stress and helplessness and possibly a desire to survive led to this unlikely scenario. All the captives were eventually released without harm. The hostage taker himself must have been influenced by the behaviour of his victims as they were influenced by him. One can only wonder how this phenomenon occurred after such a short captivity. In the case of Natascha Kampusch her period of captivity of eight years probably brought about deeper psychological changes and more enduring ones.

As a specialist in the area of parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome where I have acted as a psychological expert in the courts, there appears to be a considerable similarity between parental alienation and the Stockholm Syndrome. The alienator in the case of the Stockholm Syndrome also needs to extinguish any desire in the victim’s past, seeking to demonstrate any allegiance to anyone other than the powerful captor of that individual.

Here too is demonstrated the power of the alienator and the insignificance of the power of the alienated party/parties. It is almost certain that Natascha Kampusch had opportunity in the past to escape from her captor, yet chose not to do so. This was despite her initial closeness to her family. A combination of fear, indoctrination and “learned helplessness”, promoted the total loyalty and obedience of the child to her captor. This captor was no longer viewed, as was the case initially, as evil but as necessary to the child’s well-being and her survival. A similar scenario occurs in the case of children who are alienated against an absent parent.

My forthcoming book about to be published and my website http://www.parental-alienation.info provides information as to why Natascha may have remained so slavishly with her captor for eight years of her young life. Why she decided finally to escape her enslavement will in due course be established. I will attempt to explain what might have occurred to finally induce her to escape.

A child who has had a good relationship with the now shunned parent will state: “I don’t need my father/mother; I only need my mother/father. Such a statement is based on the brainwashing received and the power of the alienator who is indoctrinating the child to sideline the previously loving parent.

In the case of the Stockholm Syndrome, we have in some ways a similar scenario. Here the two natural loving parents have been sidelined by the work of subtle or direct alienation by the perpetrator of the abduction of the young girl. At age 10, the child is helpless to resist the power of her abductor.

To the question: “How does the abductor eventually become her benefactor?”, we may note the process is not so dissimilar to the brainwashing carried by the custodial parent. This is done for the double reason of: 1) Gaining the total control over the child and consequently its dependence upon them. 2) To sideline the other parent and to do all possible to prevent and/or curtail contact between the child and the absent parent/parents.

The primary reason for such behaviour is the intractable hostility of the custodial parents towards one another. This reason does not exist in the case of the abductor of a child such as occurred in the case of Natascha Kambusch. Nevertheless the captor wished to totally alienate or eliminate the child’s loyalty or any feeling towards her natural parents. Due to the long period away from her parents and a total dependence for survival on her captor, Natascha’s closeness to her family gradually faded. She may even have felt that her own parents were making little or no effort to find her and rescue her. This view may also have been inculcated by her captor.

Her captor’s total mastery and control over her, eventually gave her a feeling of security. She could depend on the man to look after her with food, shelter, warmth, protection and hence led to her survival. Such behaviour on the part of the captor led over time not only to “learned helplessness” and dependence, but in a sense to gratefulness. As he was the only human being in her life this was likely to happen. She therefore became a ready victim of what is commonly termed the “Stockholm Syndrome” or the victim of “Parental Alienation.”

This led even to her beginning to love her captor. This view has been substantiated by the fact that Natascha found it difficult to live and feel any real closeness to her natural parents once she was rescued or once she ran away from her captor. She even pined for the loss of the captor who had since committed suicide. Even her speech had been altered from the native Austrian or Viennese dialect to the North German speech due to the fact that she only had access to the outside world via radio and television. This again, however, was carefully monitored by her captor. He controlled what she could see on television and listen to on the radio from outside her underground cell. There was little in Natascha’s present life to remind her of her past except for the dress that she wore when she was captured.

While she developed physically from 10-18 years, her weight changed but little. Why did she decide eventually to leave her captor? This is a question that requires an answer. It is the view of the current author that the answer lies in the fact that she may have had a quarrel with her captor, possibly over a very minor issue. The result was her leaving her captor and then regretting doing so, especially after she heard of his death. By the time her captor, undoubtedly fearing the retribution by the law, had ended his life, she had pined for him.

After eight years or living in close proximity to his victim, some form of intimacy undoubtedly occurred including a sexual one. This led to a mutual need and even dependence. It is likely that the “learned helplessness” of the victim succumbed eventually a caring, perhaps even loving relationship developing. It is also likely that the psychological explanation is that attribution, helplessness and depression in the victim for the loss of her parents quickly gave way to seeking to make the best of her situation while under the total domination of her captor.

Again the same scenario occurs in the case of parental alienation where the power of the dominant custodial parent programmes the child/children to eschew or marginalise the absent parent. That absent parent no longer appears to be important and is even likely to be viewed as damaging to the child’s survival. Continue reading “The comparison of parental alienation to the “Stockholm syndrome””

Trauma Bond with Abusive Parent

The term ‘trauma bond‘ is also known as Stockholm Syndrome. It describes a deep bond which forms between a victim and their abuser. Victims of abuse often develop a strong sense of loyalty towards their abuser, despite the fact that the bond is damaging to them.

The symptoms of trauma bonding can manifest:

  • Negative feelings for potential rescuers
  • Support of abusers reasons and behaviours
  • Inability to engage in behaviours that will assist release/detachment from abusers

https://paceuk.info/child-sexual-exploitation/what-is-trauma-bonding/

Nick Child, B.Sc., MBChB, MRCPsych, M.Phil.

Nick passionately believes that the best way for the world to become aware, to educate children, adults and professionals, and to prevent and stop all kinds of undue influence, in and outside of families, is to team up together against them all.  He has also found plenty of rich learning to transfer across from one kind of undue influence (eg cults) to another form (eg in families, in parental alienation). And so that’s how you find Nick here in the engine-room of the Open Minds Foundation.

Cults, hostages and the Stockholm syndrome

Through her book Adult Children of PA, we know of Amy Baker’s powerful use of the ‘cult’ metaphor for an Alienated child’s loyalty to the aligned parent. She focused on the cult ideas more in an earlier paper, which is a really good summary of how similar the coercive patterns are in cults and in Child Alienation. Continue reading “Nick Child, B.Sc., MBChB, MRCPsych, M.Phil.”

Does grooming facilitate the development of Stockholm syndrome? The social work practice implications

This article focuses on the problem of risk instrumentalism in social work and the way it can erode the relationship-based nature of practice and with it, the kinds of critical reflexivity required for remedial interventions to keep children safe.

METHOD: By exploring the relationship between the process of grooming and the condition known as Stockholm syndrome, the article seeks to address this problem by offering some concepts to inform a critical understanding of case dynamics in the sexual abuse of children which can explain the reluctance of victim-survivors to disclose.

FINDINGS: Beginning with an overview of the development of actuarial risk assessment (ARA) tools the article examines the grooming process in child sexual abuse contexts raising the question: “Is grooming a facilitator of Stockholm syndrome?” and seeks to answer it by examining the precursors and psychological responses that constitute both grooming and Stockholm syndrome.

CONCLUSION: The article identifies the underlying concepts that enable an understanding of the dynamics of child sexual abuse, but also identifies the propensity of practitioners to be exposed to some of the features of Stockholm syndrome. Continue reading “Does grooming facilitate the development of Stockholm syndrome? The social work practice implications”

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