Q & A – My grandchild is not allowed to see one of their parents

It’s concerning to hear that your child is preventing your grandchild from seeing the other parent. Depending on the circumstances, this could be a serious issue that may require legal intervention.

Here are some steps you can take to address the situation:

  1. Talk to your child: Try to have an open and honest conversation with your child about why they are preventing your grandchild from seeing the other parent. Listen to their concerns and try to understand their perspective.
  2. Encourage mediation: If communication between your child and the other parent has broken down, encourage them to consider mediation. A trained mediator can help facilitate a conversation and work toward a mutually acceptable solution.
  3. Seek legal advice: If your child is refusing to allow your grandchild to see the other parent without justification or there are safety concerns, you may need to seek legal advice. An attorney can advise you on your options, such as pursuing a custody or visitation order.
  4. Consider family counseling: If the situation is causing tension within the family, consider seeking family counseling to work through the issues and improve communication.

Remember, the well-being of your grandchild should be the top priority. It’s important to find a solution that allows them to maintain a relationship with both parents, as long as it is safe and in their best interest.

Q & A – How does a child feel when they cant see their parent?

When a child is unable to see one of their parents, it can lead to a range of emotional responses depending on their age, personality, and the reasons for the separation.

Young children who have a strong attachment to both parents may feel confused, scared, and anxious about the separation. They may not understand why they are not able to see their parent and may worry that they have done something wrong. They may also have difficulty expressing their feelings verbally, leading to changes in behavior such as clinginess, irritability, or regressive behavior such as bed-wetting.

Older children and adolescents may feel a range of emotions, including anger, resentment, and sadness. They may feel like they are missing out on important events or experiences with the absent parent, and may feel like they have lost a part of their identity or family history. They may also feel like they are being forced to choose sides between their parents, leading to feelings of guilt or loyalty conflicts.

In cases where the absence of a parent is due to parental alienation or other forms of manipulation, the child may also feel manipulated, confused, or pressured to take sides or believe negative things about the absent parent. This can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and confusion about their relationships with both parents.

Overall, when a child is unable to see one of their parents, it can be a difficult and emotionally challenging experience that can lead to a range of negative emotional responses. It is important for both parents to recognize the impact of the separation on the child and to work together to minimize any negative effects and support the child’s emotional well-being.

Unregulated psychologists and the Family Court

“Much like an allegation of domestic abuse; the decision about whether or not a parent has alienated a child is a question of fact for the Court to resolve and not a diagnosis that can or should be offered by a psychologist. For these purposes, the ACP-UK wishes to emphasise that ‘parental alienation’ is not a syndrome capable of being diagnosed, but a process of manipulation of children perpetrated by one parent against the other through, what are termed as, ‘alienating behaviours.’ It is, fundamentally, a question of fact.”[1]


Q & A – When to let go of an alienated child?

Letting go of an alienated child can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience for a parent. Alienation occurs when a child becomes estranged from one parent due to the actions or words of the other parent. This can be a result of many factors, such as divorce or separation, parental conflict, or even psychological manipulation by one parent.

If you are a parent who is experiencing alienation from your child, it is important to seek support and guidance from professionals who can help you navigate the complex emotional and legal issues involved. This may include counseling or therapy, legal advice, or mediation.

While it can be difficult, sometimes letting go of an alienated child may be necessary for your own well-being and the well-being of your family. This may involve accepting that you cannot control the situation or the behavior of the other parent, and focusing on your own personal growth and healing. It may also involve setting boundaries and taking steps to protect yourself from further harm.

It is important to remember that letting go does not necessarily mean giving up on the relationship with your child. You can still express your love and support in healthy ways, such as sending cards or letters, or offering to attend family therapy together. Ultimately, it is important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to seek out resources and support to help you cope with the pain of alienation.

Q & A – How to protect myself from the PA?

Protecting yourself from a parental alienator can be a challenging and emotionally draining process. Here are some steps you can take to protect yourself:

  1. Document everything: Keep a record of all communication, such as emails, text messages, and phone calls, and any behavior or actions that you believe are part of the alienation. This can be important evidence if you need to take legal action.
  2. Stay calm: It can be difficult, but try to remain calm and composed in your interactions with the alienator. Avoid responding with anger or frustration, as this can escalate the situation.
  3. Seek support: Find a support system of friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance.
  4. Consult with a lawyer: If the alienation is severe, you may need to consult with a lawyer who is experienced in family law. They can help you understand your legal options and provide guidance on how to proceed.
  5. Focus on your child: Even if the alienation is difficult, it is important to continue to prioritize your child’s needs and maintain a healthy relationship with them. Avoid speaking negatively about the alienator in front of your child and continue to show love and support.
  6. Consider mediation: In some cases, mediation can be a helpful way to resolve conflicts and improve communication between parents. A trained mediator can help facilitate productive discussions and find solutions that work for both parties.

It is important to remember that protecting yourself from a parental alienator can be a difficult and long process. It is important to be patient, persistent, and seek out the support you need to cope with the emotional toll of the situation.

Q & A – I am a step parent dealing with and parental alienation

Parental alienation is a serious issue that can occur in blended families, where a child is manipulated or influenced to reject a parent, often by the other parent or stepparent. This can be incredibly harmful to the child and can strain relationships between family members.

Step parents may face unique challenges in dealing with parental alienation, as they may not have the same legal rights as biological parents and may be viewed with suspicion or mistrust by the child or other family members.

If you are a step parent dealing with parental alienation, here are some steps you can take:

  1. Educate yourself about parental alienation and its effects on children and families.
  2. Communicate with the biological parent and try to work together to address the issue.
  3. Encourage open communication between the child and both parents, while remaining neutral and not speaking negatively about the other parent.
  4. Seek support from a therapist or support group to help you navigate the emotional challenges of dealing with parental alienation.
  5. Consider seeking legal advice to determine your rights and options in the situation.

It’s important to remember that dealing with parental alienation can be a long and difficult process, but with persistence and the right support, it is possible to work through it and rebuild healthy relationships within the family.

©Linda Turner http://parentalalienationpas.com 2023

PA Checklist

Parental alienation is a complex issue that can occur in divorce or custody disputes. It is a situation where one parent intentionally or unintentionally undermines the relationship between a child and the other parent. Here are some signs of parental alienation:

  1. Denigration: One parent constantly criticizes the other parent in front of the child, calling them names or using derogatory language.
  2. Limiting Contact: One parent limits the amount of contact the child has with the other parent, by not allowing phone calls, visits, or exchanges.
  3. Withholding Information: One parent withholds information from the other parent, such as the child’s schedule, medical appointments, or school activities.
  4. False Allegations: One parent makes false allegations against the other parent, such as abuse or neglect, without evidence or justification.
  5. Influence on Child’s Feelings: One parent tries to influence the child’s feelings towards the other parent, by saying negative things about them or blaming them for the divorce.
  6. Interference with Parenting Time: One parent interferes with the other parent’s parenting time, by showing up late, cancelling visitations or not showing up at all.
  7. Using Children as Messengers: One parent uses the child as a messenger to communicate with the other parent, instead of communicating directly.
  8. Disparaging Family Members: One parent disparages the other parent’s family members, such as grandparents, aunts or uncles, in front of the child.
  9. Manipulating the Child’s Mind: One parent manipulates the child’s mind, making them think that the other parent is not interested in them or doesn’t love them.
  10. Indifference to Child’s Needs: One parent acts indifferently to the child’s needs, disregarding their emotional or physical well-being.

If you are experiencing any of these signs, it is important to seek professional help and support. It is crucial to address parental alienation as soon as possible to minimize its negative impact on the child’s development and the parent-child relationship.

©Linda Turner http://parentalalienationpas.com 2023

Testamentary Freedom, do we have it?

However, there is no ‘right’ to inherit from a person’s estate, no matter how you are related to the person who has died, and just because someone makes a claim against an estate does not necessarily mean that they will be successful.

The most important thing you can do to mitigate any sort of claim against your estate, is to make a Will, as this document clearly shows that you have thought about what you would like to happen to your estate upon your death. You can also leave a document with your Will, called a Letter of Wishes, which sets out your reasons for why you have left your Will as you have, and it gives your executors something to use against any claim.

If you do not make a Will, then there are certain rules that have to be followed, called the Intestacy Rules, which can be quite complex, and could mean that your estate ends up with people that you did not want to benefit.

Acknowledge the Pain

1. Acknowledge the Pain: The first step in recovery from the long-term effects of parental alienation is to acknowledge the pain and hurt that has been caused. It is important to recognize that the alienation has had a significant impact on your life and that it is not something to be taken lightly.

2. Seek Professional Help: It is important to seek professional help in order to begin the healing process. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance as you work through the emotions

Q & A – Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation”

What is what is Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation”?

Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation” is a term used to describe a situation in which one parent attempts to undermine the relationship between the other parent and their child. This can be done through a variety of tactics, such as badmouthing the other parent, limiting contact between the child and the other parent, or encouraging the child to reject the other parent.

What is the impact of Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation”?

Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation” (ABPA) is a form of psychological abuse in which one parent attempts to undermine the relationship between the other parent and their child. This can be done through a variety of tactics, such as denigrating the other parent, manipulating the child into believing the other parent is bad, or even making false allegations of abuse. The impact of ABPA can be devastating for the child, as it can lead to feelings of guilt.

Examples of Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation”

1. A parent who constantly speaks negatively about the other parent in front of the child.

2. A parent who refuses to allow the child to have contact with the other parent.

3. A parent who encourages the child to reject the other parent.

4. A parent who attempts to turn the child against the other parent by making false accusations.

5. A parent who attempts to control the child’s relationship with the other parent.

What is the treatment for Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation”?

The treatment for Attachment-Based “Parental Alienation” is typically a combination of individual and family therapy. The goal of treatment is to help the child re-establish a healthy relationship with the alienated parent, while also helping the family to heal and move forward. Treatment may include individual therapy for the child, family therapy, and/or parent-child reunification therapy. Treatment may also include education for the family about the dynamics of parental alienation and strategies for improving communication

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