Your Journey to Healing Starts Here
After I learned about gaslighting, I realized I didn’t trust my memory because he’d trained me not to, through years of lies and distortions of the truth. I finally realized that I wasn’t the insane one.
Gaslighting is often examined in the context of romantic relationships. This form of manipulation is damaging and hurtful in any relationship, but when a parent uses this tactic on a child, it can have severe consequences.
“Gaslighting is an insidious form of abuse. It makes victims question the very instincts that they have counted on their whole lives, making them unsure of anything. Gaslighting makes it very likely that the victims will believe whatever their abusers tell them regardless as to their own experience of the situation.” (Natasha Tracy, “Gaslighting Definition, Techniques, and Being Gaslighted“)
The cruelest part of gaslighting is how it slowly erodes at the mind of the abused child.
The abusive parent makes a child question himself:
To make a child rely on the memories and the telling of events from the abusive parent instead of himself is the ultimate triumph for the abusive parent.
“Gaslighting occurs when a person you trust to tell you the truth about reality, is, in fact, bending reality with lies. When this happens consistently over a period of time it causes you to question your sanity.” (Anna Valerious, Narcissists Suck)
Moreover, because the gaslighting is a slow erosion, an abusive parent often gets away with it. If an adult survivor of emotional child abuse calls the parent on such an occurrence, the abusive parent can say such things as:
Because people don’t go around habitually recording their conversations, the adult survivor cannot prove that the gaslighting happens. And because the adult survivor has been conditioned by years of abuse from their parents, he or she is apt to believe the gaslighting parent rather than his or her own recollection of the event.
Whatever the gaslighter/narcissist is or whatever he is doing, he will assign those characteristics or behaviors to you. It’s done almost to comedic effect – if it wasn’t so potentially damaging to your career. At work, your gaslighting/narcissistic boss will write on your performance review that you are always late. However, you are punctual to a fault – it’s your boss who consistently shows up late. Your coworker accuses you of hacking into their laptop – however, you have seen him lurking around your laptop when he thought you couldn’t see him. Your kleptomaniac cubemate is constantly accusing you of stealing things off her desk.
In a relationship, the gaslighter/narcissist will constantly accuse you of cheating. He will check your phone, barrage you with questions when you are 30 minutes late from work, even have you followed. You have given no signs that you are cheating, yet your gaslighting/narcissist partner brings up your supposed cheating all the time. However, as is the case with many gaslighters/narcissists, they are actually are doing the cheating (McNulty and Widman, 2014). When you confront the gaslighter/narcissist about his cheating, he turns it around on you and says you are accusing him because you are one really doing the cheating. The gaslighter/narcissist continues his game of projection- now using it as a strategy to deflect from being caught.
Whatever the gaslighter/narcissist is or whatever he is doing, he will assign those characteristics or behaviors to you. It’s done almost to comedic effect – if it wasn’t so potentially damaging to your career. At work, your gaslighting/narcissistic boss will write on your performance review that you are always late. However, you are punctual to a fault – it’s your boss who consistently shows up late. Your coworker accuses you of hacking into their laptop – however, you have seen him lurking around your laptop when he thought you couldn’t see him. Your kleptomaniac cubemate is constantly accusing you of stealing things off her desk.
In a relationship, the gaslighter/narcissist will constantly accuse you of cheating. He will check your phone, barrage you with questions when you are 30 minutes late from work, even have you followed. You have given no signs that you are cheating, yet your gaslighting/narcissist partner brings up your supposed cheating all the time. However, as is the case with many gaslighters/narcissists, they are actually are doing the cheating (McNulty and Widman, 2014). When you confront the gaslighter/narcissist about his cheating, he turns it around on you and says you are accusing him because you are one really doing the cheating. The gaslighter/narcissist continues his game of projection- now using it as a strategy to deflect from being caught.
As indicated on the home page, psychological harassment and psychological manipulation “mind control” can induce psychological and physical disorders.
When an individual is targeted, the level of harassment usually begins slowly and increases with time.
Anytime someone interacts with you they can influence your thoughts and also manipulate your thoughts.
Usually, people “tune out” the conversations around them. If you are in a crowded room and someone calls out your name they will probably attract your attention and the same goes for other specific words or sounds.
Individual’s can recall or form images. The expression “I get the visual”. When someone talks about or describes a scene you may form an image even if you have never seen what the other person is talking about or describing.
An individual can come in close proximity to another individual and ask a question, If the individual hears the question, whether he is the target of the question or not, his mind can respond with an answer. The answer response can be in different forms such as an image or sound. For example, if the question is what does the person look like? The individual may form an image of the person in his mind. If the question is what is the person’s name? The individual’s mind may respond with the sound of the person’s name.
If someone says leave and slams a desk drawer or hits an object. This is a form of indirect intimidation, an indirect threat of violence. If these actions are repeated it can become a form of conditioning. The next time a person slams a desk drawer or hits an object the person may associate this as a threat.
Classical conditioning can be used to associate different threats to different things. (Fear Conditioning)
Gaslighting is a sophisticated manipulation tactic which certain types of personalities use to create doubt in the minds of others. Here’s how it works and what to watch out for.
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/
Most parents like to tell cute and funny stories about when their children were young, or brag about their school accomplishments or tell sweet stories that show their child in a flattering or loving light. They are also proud of their children when they’re kind and nice to others. That’s the way things should be.
Not for narcissistic parents though.
Narcissists who “erase” memories of their children.
Some narcissistic parents don’t like to talk about their children at all. It’s as if they erase any memories of their offspring’s childhoods and don’t want to be reminded of it. It’s weird. My malignant cerebral narcissist sperm donor used to get bored and annoyed if I talked about the children when they were young. Inexplicably, he couldn’t stand it and became annoyed when I wanted to put some of their baby and early school pictures around the house. (He didn’t like that…
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Your Journey to Healing Starts Here 