Tag: Narcissists

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Alienation Borderline Personality Disorder Histrionic Personality NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Adult Children Of Psychopaths, Narcissists And Sociopaths:

Coming from a pathological family, with the psychopath, narcissist or sociopathic parent as the center of the family universe, can create a negativity that says the glass is always empty. We are left to ‘problem solve’ throughout childhood and adolescence in survival mode, while enduring overwhelming amounts of daily abuse. We are not taught to create solution to problems but to avoid them, as this keeps the mask of the pathological parent and family secure.

As adults, through God’s grace, we come to awareness about how sick and pathological our families are. Most often, this awareness occurs through the extremes we experience in a love relationship with a disordered one.

We begin to note that the behaviors exhibited by our partner’s are severe and extreme, whether it’s manipulation, gas lighting, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial or spiritual abuse of any kind, something about their behaviors and our reactions to it, awaken us to the truth about psychopathy, narcissism and sociopathy.

If we are not carrying a Cluster B personality disorder of our own, the hope for awareness, I believe, will increase. This awareness presents an opportunity for validation about our experiences with our pathological parent, family dynamics, roles, etc.

It becomes clearer to us over time, and as we get older and continue to choose partners that are disordered and situations that are highly dramatic and chaotic, including friendships.

Depending upon how intense the relationship, it can take one relationship or several more, each one increasingly more pathological and sick than the last, before we can see the pattern of our own behaviors and choices, clearly, as well as the behavior of our partners and parent/family.

Coming to awareness about our family background after the break up of a romantic relationship, can be shocking to us. As we explore the reasons for the partnered relationship demise, in desperation, we stumble upon information about the disorders. And as we process the relationship, we begin to see that our lives may be full of Cluster B’s, including our own family of origin (FOO).

We find ourselves feeling only slightly validated after reading about the behaviors exclusive to the Cluster B, but there is so much more to sort through on an emotional level for an adult child of psychopaths, narcissists and sociopath. Recognizing the behaviors in our family of origin, we begin to ask questions, see abuse tactics used by the parent and the roles that we and our siblings played and continue to play.

Adult children who are intuitive and empathic, may find that even their siblings are disordered or extremely emotionally troubled in some way. When we dare to confront, on some level, the family dynamic, directly with the pathological parent or with the siblings, we may find ourselves under attack, manipulated, gas lighted, the focus of the family problems from the beginning.

We may see reactions as we confront our parent or other family members while asking questions and trying to ‘correct’ the ‘problems’ that are spontaneous, sudden and extreme. Unprepared for battle in all our pain, anguish and confusion, we are not validated, but find ourselves invalidatedmore.

We have not yet digested that they are incapable of validation, that they too are lacking in conscience and empathy. What we are seeking in safety, or with hope, is anything but safe and can be very dangerous to us. While a survivor might know that something is wrong, that her ex partner is definitely disordered, when it comes to this reality about the family, things are far more enmeshed and skewed, viewing life from the original and distorted pathological lens. . .

Many survivors with pathological parents, come to me upon this discovery in reading my work and connecting the dots, already embroiled in extraordinary amounts of abuse from the parent or family, as they begin to think about no contact and escape. Most have already begun to confront their family members about the family dynamic, some are in such dangerous situations that it’s not possible to do so, yet the confusion and pain is intense for them.

They are beaten down from not only a pathological partner or close friendship, but also from years of exploitation, manipulation and other forms of abuse from family members. Often the pathological parent is on the ‘war path’ with the survivor and has engaged siblings or other family members to activate their roles to an all time high in order to invalidate and silence the perceived threat, the survivor as one about the open the pandora’s box of family abuse and secrets.

you will have to request an invite to this site to read the full article:-

https://theabilitytolove.wordpress.com

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Alienation Malignant Narcissism Narcissism Narcopath NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Collapsed Narcissist, Collapsed Histrionic

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Alienation

How does the alienating parent think?

Psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths are dangerous people. They destroy entire families, and people in numbers. Put a psychopath in a harmonious situation, and people will suddenly begin to hate one another. Psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths have absolutely no empathy, a lack of emotion, and will cross their husband or wife, children, cousins’, brothers’ and sisters’ at the drop of a hat.

How does the alienating parent think?

In the mind of an alienating parent with a severe personality disorder, their family members are merely extensions of themselves. This means that they must believe, do or say, as the narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath believes, does or says. Without complete control over the entire family unit, the severely personality disordered parent feels dumbfounded, confused, and disorientated.

Continue reading “How does the alienating parent think?”
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Parental Alienation PA

The Hidden Language Of Narcissists

Narcissists are masters of language who use words to deceive, coerce, seduce, and mislead. They have the forked tongue of a viper and have no misgivings when it comes to spouting poisonous, vitriolic abuse at their victims.

Verbal trickery is their preferred method of manipulation and they have a talent for saying the right thing at the right time to confuse, belittle and degrade the other person.

They devalue their victims, purposefully seeking to make them feel worthless so that they may subjugate them to their will. The unrelenting mind games of the narcissist are incredibly damaging to those on the receiving end; they can lead to anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other psychological effects.

read the full article here:- https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3384/hidden-language-narcissists-manipulate-traumatize-victims/

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Parental Alienation PA

“I Am Free”, Healing Stories About Surviving Toxic Relationships With Narcissists And Sociopaths Now Available Through Amazon — RelationshiPedia

I Am Free: Healing Stories About Toxic Relationships With Narcissists And Sociopaths Written from the heart of survivors of narcissistic abuse, this collection of stories and poems will empower readers dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship and serve as a wakeup call to those who are in—or think they may be in—an abusive […]

via “I Am Free”, Healing Stories About Surviving Toxic Relationships With Narcissists And Sociopaths Now Available Through Amazon — RelationshiPedia

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Parental Alienation PA

As Narcissists and narcissistic people age

Truly, Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and other toxic people spend they productive years honing the art of how to abuse people. This is how their power and control “wheel” tends to wobble over time. Learning how to effectively control, dupe, con, and connive during their youth:

  1. Most thrive well into their 20s and 30s, having given off the impression to everyone they have been popular or the “cool person” since childhood.
  2. By the time they reach their 40s, the tables begin to turn.
  3. As they begin to show age and resent it, they lose the power to charm and entrance people by using their looks.
  4. By the time they hit their 50s and 60s, most narcissistic people start to lose friends and have less influence.

Seriously, it’s all part of the way karma works. Narcissists don’t devolve over time. They are cursed to remain the same, only become less and less successful at their attempts to bully or manipulate the psychology or emotional bodies of other people while acting covert.

While healthy people in their 40s, and 50s are starting to hit their personal best, professionally and personally speaking. If they [the 80%-ers, not the Narcissists] chose to marry young, their children hit high school and college graduations and the “empty nest” seem to happen right on time.

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/2015/11/27/expect-aging-narcissists-people-aspd/

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Parental Alienation PA

The Secret Language of Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths: How Abusers Manipulate Their Victims

Self-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

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Learning the Secret Language of Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths: How Abusers Manipulate Their Victims by Shahida Arabi

Society assumes that everyone has a conscience and the ability to empathize. In fact, 1 in 25 people in the United States are estimated to be sociopaths, according to Harvard psychologist Martha Stout. Narcissists (those who meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and their like-minded cousins,sociopaths and psychopaths, speak in the language of crazymaking, of projection, of word salad, of gaslighting and of pathological envy. While I will be focusing on narcissistic abusers in this post, keep in mind that all three are unable to empathize with others and frequently exploit others for their own agenda. If you encounter someone with narcissistic traits, they could very well fall towards the extreme end of the spectrum and be a sociopath or psychopath.

These pathological individuals walk among us every day in their false masks…

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Narcissism

How do you survive a narcissist father?

So how do you survive a narcissist father?

Every narcissist is a hero and a legend in his own mind. And, so was Daddy.

  • Get into a good therapy. You want to come to terms with dad for who he is, and how he hurt you. He’ is your father after all, and you will need to differentiate from him in order to enjoy his presence without being undermined. It’s no small task.
  • His arrogance and constant need for ego stroking can be annoying. AcceptDad for who he is. If you put him into place in your mind, he may simply end up being a lovable, but annoying father. Take the best, as long as he doesn’t still have the power to hurt you.
  • Do not let Dad hurt you. If he has a rage attack, you may decide to get in the car and leave. Limits are often a good thing. “Dad, this is not constructive.”
  • Cut ties if it is too toxic or dangerous. Some narcissistic parents have violent or abusive tendencies. It goes along with their self righteousness. You are now and adult. Take care and take caution.
  • Has your Dad affected your dating habits and choices? Some identify with their father by becoming arrogant themselves. Others are anxious in their attachments because they could never trust Dad’s undivided attention. Do you date narcissistic people yourself?
  • Keep your expectations realistic and low. Don’t expect a relationship with a narcissistic person to be based on mutuality or reciprocity. Narcissists are selfish and can’t put your needs on par with their own. As an adult, you can keep these conflicts with your father at a distance; but if you date or marry a narcissist, it probably will wear you out.
  • When you want something from a narcissist, convince them that it will be to their benefit. I am not a big fan of dishonesty, but some people with narcissistic traits can be manipulated. When you want such a person to do something for you, you need to spin it in a way so that your request seems to be to their benefit. This may work with your father and with others too.
  • Never let a narcissist determine your self-worth. Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to validate others, so be careful about trusting them with sensitive information or sharing important achievements because they won’t treat it with the respect it deserves. I have seen this backfire many times.
  • Sometimes compliance is the simplest way to deal with a narcissistic parent. It may sound cheap, but if your father is narcissistic, you may not be interested in cutting him out of your life. He is your Dad, after all. Sometimes, it’s easier, and requires less effort, to comply with most of his wishes. It may not be worth the fight. You are an adult now, and you are not under his roof anymore.
  • Alternatively, you can assert your own authority and challenge his. Narcissists get away with their behavior because others (passively) allow them to. Sometimes, you may need to adopt an authoritative stance – and firmly impress upon him that his demeaning attitude is unacceptable. You are no longer a child, and you are not as vulnerable to his rejection or anger. Be prepared for push back. Narcissistic people HATE criticism.
  • Pity the Narcissist. Arrogance doesn’t really inspire sympathy or compassion. But at the end of the day, when you think about it, you may come to pity someone who is in constant need of compliments, attention and validation. It is freeing.

Appreciate the Healthy Adults Out There:

While it’s hard to grow up unaffected by a narcissistic father, there may have been others who helped you along the way. Looking back on your life, you may identify a grandfather, a grandmother, a coach, a teacher, a therapist or a religious figure who really appreciated you. Maybe, your mother saved the day.

Take in the Good:

I hope you can find the good. There may have been some good in your narcissistic father. Embrace that, while distancing yourself from the rest. Plus, there may have been special men and women in your upbringing – internalize their good. And, there are good people to care about today – bring in this good as well.

Finally, realize the value within yourself. You don’t have to be great to be good enough. That’s an important healing.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-father

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Narcissism

Narcissistic Father

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves”. ~ T.S. Eliot

You used to think that by the time you were in your twenties and definitely by your thirties you’d have your act together – you’d be establishing a successful career, have your own place, be in a committed and stable relationship, visit the gym enough to have the body you always wanted and your social life would be vibrant.

But, you’re nowhere near where you thought you’d be, and the tiny boxes next to the list of achievements that you’d hoped to accomplish are still unchecked.

As your confidence deflates, you look back on your own upbringing, and think about your father – Mr Self-Assured. He seemed to have it all – charm, success, popularity and he never seemed to be plagued by self-doubt, unlike you. He was the hit of the party, knew everyone and made things happen. You couldn’t get enough of him.

How Kids Experience Narcissistic Traits:

Come to think of it, did his confidence border on arrogance? Is it possible that you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits? And if so, why is it important?

We take our families for granted – it’s natural that we do. Each family is a miniature sociological experiment, with its own set of unwritten rules, secrets, and nuanced behavioral patterns. We take our mom and dad for granted; like this must be what it’s like for everyone. Your dad may have been narcissistic, but you just assumed that all fathers were like him.

Here are some signs that your dad had narcissistic tendencies or was an out-rightnarcissist.

  • Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. He had an inflated sense of self-importance that led him to believe he was superior and entitled to only the best.
  • Dad used people for his own good. He would take advantage of others, to the point of exploiting them when it suited him. Everybody seemed to cater to him, or at least he expected them to.
  • Dad was charismatic. Everyone wanted to be around him and he relished admiration from others. He loved being in the spotlight and the positive reinforcement that came from being the center of attention.
  • No one had an imagination like Dad. Grandiosity is alluring, and so were hisfantasies of success, prestige, and brilliance. He would often exaggerate his achievements, and his ambitions and goals bordered on unrealistic.
  • Dad didn’t take criticism well. Nothing stung him like criticism; he often cut those people out of his life, or tried to hurt them.
  • Dad’s rage was truly scary. Some people get mad and yell a lot. Dad could hurt you with his anger. It cut to the bone.
  • Dad could be aloof and unsympathetic. Narcissists often have a hard time experiencing empathy; they often disregard and invalidate how others feel. Of course, he was exquisitely sensitive to what he felt, but others were of no mind.
  • Dad wasn’t around a lot. He got a lot of gratification outside the family. Other fathers hung out with their families a lot more. Plus, he craved excitement and seemed to be more concerned by what others thought of him, rather then how his own kids felt about him.
  • Dad did what he wanted when dealing with you. Narcissists don’t step into someone else’s shoes very often. He did things with you that he enjoyed; maybe you did as well.
  • Dad wanted you to look great to his friends and colleagues. You were most important to him when he could brag about you; sad but true.
  • You couldn’t really get what you needed from him. Even if Dad provided on a material level, you felt deprived on a more subtle level. For example, you wanted his attention and affection, but would only get it sporadically, and only when it worked for him.

When you go through these traits, some may hit home; while others may not be relevant. Some may ring as very true; while others as less so. This is why narcissitic traits are not synonomous with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The Heuristic Problem of Personality Classification:

Narcissism is not a dirty word, in fact, narcissistic traits are commonly found in most of us. There’s nothing disturbed about that. The other extreme is the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a controversial, but often helpful label. For the record, our diagnostic categories are somewhat arbitrary and lack the veracity of harder medical diagnostic labels like a broken femur or glaucoma. These disorders are easier to document and study.Personality Disorders help us organize our thinking about an individual, but may fall far short of a truthful depiction of a whole complex person.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether a person is narcissistic or merely has a healthy self regard. Narcissism isn’t about having high self-confidence; it’s a love for oneself that has morphed into a preoccupation. The term is based on Narcissus, the Greek mythological character who was so infatuated with himself, that it ultimately proved fatal.

Although it’s not actually fatal, narcissism can become so pathological that it satisfies the criteria, however faulty, of a personality disorder. The fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV-TR) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as

“A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts… as indicated…. by the following”:

  • wanting to be admired
  • having a sense of entitlement
  • being exploitative
  • lacking empathy
  • arrogance

Another characteristic typical of narcissists is a disregard of personal boundaries. Narcissists don’t always acknowledge the need for boundaries which is coupled with their failure to realize that others do not exist merely to meet their needs. A narcissist will often treat others, especially those that are close to him, as if they are there to fulfill his needs and expectations.

Now that you have a firm grasp on what a narcissistic father may be like, let’s take a look at how he might affect his kids. (We will get to narcissistic mothers another time.)

How a Narcissistic Father Can Hurt his Son or Daughter:

Narcissistic parents often damage their children. For example, they may disregard boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (until they perform), and neglect to meet their children’s needs because their needs come first. Because image is so important to narcissists, they may demand perfection from their children. The child of a narcissist father can, in turn, feel a pressure ramp up their talents, looks, smarts or charisma. It can cost them if they fulfill their Dad’s wishes – and it can cost them if they fail. No winning here.

In general, here‘s how a narcissistic father can affect a daughter or son.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-fatherCloud 11