Your Journey to Healing Starts Here
There is a subtle difference between a pathological and compulsive liar, although it is possible to be both. The pathological liar will repeat a lie over and again, even when they know they’ve been found out. Conversely, a compulsive liar will usually admit to lying and come up with an excuse for it.
Pathological liars are so charming and practised in the art of deceit few people can detect they are lying. However, if confronted they won’t be sorry! They are wholly selfish and will never consider how damaging or hurtful their lies may be to their victims.
It’s usually pathological liars who, when they fail lie detector tests, insist the polygraph is wrong. They’ll deny they have lied, even when there is other evidence to prove they have.
Whilst most white lies are often told so as not to offend or hurt another’s feelings, pathological lies have no real purpose. Sometimes these liars go so far as to incriminate themselves making it difficult to understand why they have lied at all.
“There is no such thing as a good liar.
There are only bad listeners.”
– Mark McClish
https://www.statementanalysis.com
When parents lie to their children, they are hurting them deeply. When a child knows the truth but his parents contradict this knowledge, the child ends up doubting himself. Healthy children learn to trust their inner sense of right and wrong at a young age if their parents encourage it.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/savvy-parenting/201406/when-parents-lie
It turns out that what separates the honest from the dishonest boils down to three distinct variables. Once those three factors are understood, it becomes quite easy to predict when people will lie, cheat and steal and be sincere and behave with integrity.
In summary, the tripartite theory of dishonesty posits that the decision to be dishonest (D) is a function (f) of the expected utility of dishonesty (U), the expected external disutility of dishonesty (ED), and the expected internal disutility of dishonesty (ID).
D=f(U,ED,ID)
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-nature-deception/202203/theory-lying-and-dishonesty
People deceive themselves about their values for many of the same reasons they deceive themselves about facts. Among other things, they want to see themselves as more diligent, honest, or trustworthy than they really are. They say they are committed to working hard, telling the truth, or keeping promises, but their actions say otherwise.
The pitfalls of lying about values are similar to those of lying about facts, but there is an added snare—lying to ourselves about values compromises our integrity.
The word “integrity” has its roots in the Latin word “integritas,” meaning “intact.” It describes a whole that isn’t weakened or compromised. A crack in a foundation compromises the integrity of a building; a crack in the hull compromises the integrity of a ship.
When the integrity of a whole is compromised, parts of it are divided from each other, and the whole is weaker as a result—a building is more likely to collapse, a ship to sink.
This chapter addresses the tough question of what makes lying wrong. Using Bernard Williams’s idea that deception is wrong because it involves a breach of trust, or it is a manipulation of the dupe by the deceiver, it offers an analysis rich with thought experiments to argue that not all manipulation in deception involves a breach of trust, and that deception that involves a breach of trust may involve a wrong that is distinguishable from that which occurs in other deception. It argues that deception is often a form of legitimate self-defense, and in those instances should be governed by those norms.
https://academic.oup.com/book/6899/chapter-abstract/151127484?redirectedFrom=fulltext
This chapter opens with a claim that the harm that lies do results from their interference with one’s efforts to understand things as they truly are. Lies thrust one into an imaginary world that one cannot live in or rely on. The chapter goes on to discuss Kant’s and Montaigne’s claim that lies undermine human society, arguing that Kant and Montaigne have gone too far: although it is true that lies can tear the social fabric apart, they can also knit it together. The discussion develops a personal take on the harm of the lie with a discussion of the poet Adrienne Rich. For Rich, the liar puts himself in a place of terrible loneliness: by hiding his mind from others, he perilously removes himself from human society.
Whatever you’re getting in installments, whether it’s the truth or just lies upon lies, it’s just not conducive to a mutually respectful, loving, caring, trustworthy relationship, romantic or otherwise. It’s also bloody exhausting!
Being truthful with somebody isn’t something that we can just decide to take out an installment plan option and what a person forgets when they’re drip-feeding, is that it’s unfair and actually quite manipulative to hold a person by deception. Sure, sometimes the truth hurts and potentially leads to consequences but it doesn’t mean that we’re any less entitled to the truth plus, we can get on with recovering and moving forward when we have the truth, whereas the pain of lies and deception not only hurts deeply, often affecting our sense of self due to us often doubting ourselves and inadvertently crossing our own boundaries, but drip-feeding costs the person in question their integrity, something that they’d still have, if they ostepped up and did the mature thing and were upfront with the truth instead of trying to avoid or even outright escape natural consequences.
Remember, if you’re getting what you’re taking to be the truth in installments, that person’s also lying by installment and this means in the ‘Debit and Credit Trust System’, experience is actually teaching you that your trust account with this person is in the red and no further extensions should be granted.
Your Journey to Healing Starts Here 
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